My son’s beloved blue blanket has been resting in the center console of my minivan for the past four days. I use the term “blanket” loosely, as “worn-out, hole-riddled rag” might be a more fitting description.
For nearly a decade, my son has clung to this blanket every night without fail. It has become an integral part of our family life.
The lengths we’ve gone to for this blanket (which, by the way, has its own name) are almost unbelievable. We’ve driven over half an hour just to retrieve a forgotten blanket. Countless times, I’ve asked, “Do you have your blanket?” before stepping out, only to check again and again. I’ve scoured the house for a lost blanket — in the fridge, under beds, in bathtubs, under sinks, and yes, even in the trash.
For almost ten years, this blanket has been my son’s steadfast companion. Whenever he feels tired, sad, or simply needs a moment to relax, he grabs a corner and rubs it against his nose while sucking his thumb. He calls this soothing ritual “snugs,” a mix of thumb-sucking and blanket-hugging.
There have been moments when I’ve questioned if he would eventually outgrow his attachment to the blanket and if he would ever stop sucking his thumb — just as I once wondered if he would ever sleep through the night as a newborn, or if he would be potty-trained by age three. And when he was in kindergarten, I pondered if he would learn to read. They say children won’t head off to college still clutching a blanket and sucking their thumb, but there were times when I worried about the blanket and thumb-sucking part.
Some might argue that he’s too old for a blanket or that we should have put a stop to his thumb-sucking ages ago. But to that, our answer has always been, “Back off.”
A couple of years back, I took my son to see an orthodontist because he had lost some teeth earlier than expected. I mentioned to the orthodontist that my then-eight-year-old was a thumb-sucker and that it wasn’t going to change anytime soon. I didn’t express any desire for it to change; I simply stated the fact.
“We’ll see what we can do about that,” he replied.
As my son sat in the chair, the orthodontist asked him questions about school, sports, and his thumb-sucking habits. “What would your friends say if they knew you sucked your thumb?” he asked, attempting to induce some shame.
“They wouldn’t say anything…because they’re my friends,” my son replied, confidently.
Needless to say, we quickly found a new orthodontist who respected my son and reminded me that he would stop thumb-sucking when he was ready. Until then, it was not a cause for concern.
For ten years, my son has embraced “snugs” with his blanket while sucking his thumb. Is he older than most for this behavior? Perhaps. Could we have taken the blanket away or used some special farewell ritual like many parents do with pacifiers? Certainly. Could we have put mittens on his hands at night or gently removed his thumb during the day? Definitely. Could we have forced him to stop sooner? Probably.
But why? What would that achieve? Forcing him to abandon something that brings him comfort? Rushing him into a world where we often hide our quirks and unique habits? Ending a sweet phase of childhood simply to meet some arbitrary expectations of what is considered “normal” at a certain age?
Children are not robots. They are not lemmings. Each one is a unique individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and timelines for growth. Just as it may seem like our newborn will never sleep through the night, our three-year-old will never be potty-trained, or our kindergartener will never learn to read, they all eventually figure it out in their own way and time.
Eventually, they grow up.
One day, you might find that your nearly ten-year-old has stopped sucking his thumb (at least most of the time) and realize that his beloved blanket has been left in the car for days without a second thought. And I assure you, your heart will feel a twinge of sadness for the childhood that has slipped away.
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Summary:
This article explores the journey of childhood and the importance of allowing children to embrace their attachments, like a blanket or thumb-sucking, without rushing them to conform to societal expectations. Every child grows at their own pace, and it’s essential to respect their unique journeys.