As our little ones grow, we often witness them navigating the tricky waters of friendships, which can be tough to watch. Over the past few years, my children have faced their fair share of friendship ups and downs. One moment they are best friends, and the next, their bond is in chaos. Sometimes they reconcile after a spat, while other times, friendships simply fade away.
I’ve seen my kids upset, crying, and struggling with these social dynamics. It’s hard to see them face conflict with their peers, but I’ve made a conscious decision to let them tackle these challenges independently. To clarify, I’m not referring to bullying or serious issues that leave me no choice but to step in; I’m talking about the typical friendship dramas that arise as they seek their social circles. It can be messy, and at times, it breaks my heart.
Their friend groups will evolve many times throughout their childhood, and I’ve resolved to allow them the space to manage these relationships on their own, while equipping them with the tools to navigate these turbulent times. I don’t reach out to teachers or other parents to report hurtful behavior or exclusion. I know my kids aren’t blameless; they can be involved in name-calling or unfairly deciding not to like someone. All three of my children have been on the receiving end of unkindness, but I recognize that every story has two sides. I wouldn’t want to accuse another child based solely on my kid’s perspective, which may present them as more virtuous than they actually are.
Most of this friendship drama unfolds while my kids are at school, and since I’m not there, I can’t grasp the full picture. My daughter, in particular, has a circle of friends who often find themselves at odds. She’s shed tears over it. Some days, it’s two girls against three, while other times it’s a group effort against one. And of course, there are days of harmony where everything seems perfect.
Although I refrain from meddling, I do remind my daughter that she has the power to ignore negative behavior and not contribute to the conflict. I encourage her to voice her feelings and rise above the drama. I also emphasize the golden rule: treat others the way you wish to be treated.
I know that the advice I offer isn’t always heeded. We often learn through experience, and that includes our children. Throughout their lives, they will encounter various relationships, face challenges, and navigate the intricacies of human behavior; this is merely the beginning. They must learn to identify what feels right and wrong for themselves.
If I were to manage their friendships for them, they wouldn’t acquire the necessary skills to handle these situations independently. It’s crucial for them to express the words that need to be said and to build the confidence to walk away from those who don’t treat them well. They need to understand what it means to cultivate strong, lasting friendships. I can’t create that for them.
There have been moments when it felt nearly impossible to refrain from intervening in my kids’ friendships, but I believe this approach will ultimately benefit them in the long run. Friendship drama is a common and essential aspect of growing up.
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In summary, allowing kids to navigate their friendships teaches them valuable life skills and helps them develop resilience. As they grow, they will learn to handle conflicts and build meaningful relationships on their own.