For months now, I’ve been feeling anxious about my upcoming birthday. It’s not that I dislike celebrating—I actually adore any reason to bake a cake and feel cherished for a day! But this year feels different.
The realization hit me about six months ago when a former colleague of mine, Mark, reached out to catch up. When I revealed my age, he was taken aback. “Really? No way…really?” he said in disbelief. I couldn’t tell if he was surprised because he thought I looked younger or if it just reminded him of how long ago he hired me right out of college. He jokingly said, “You better not post that on your blog, or you’ll never work in TV again.” While I sensed some humor in his words, it made me reflect on how age influences the media world. For women, age can sometimes feel like a career-ending sentence, while men often face a different standard.
As the summer wore on, my anxiety only grew. I found myself questioning whether I had accomplished enough in my life. Did I still have time to fulfill my dreams? Was I a failure for not having more children? Was I still attractive as my body changed with perimenopause, especially after spotting my first gray hair?
In my emotional turmoil, I decided to forgo any celebrations this year. I told my spouse to skip the parties—I wanted to pretend my birthday was non-existent. I was trying to bury my head in the sand, hoping to pause time. But all along, I was being a total hypocrite.
I constantly encourage my daughters to “be who you want to be,” yet I found myself rejecting my own body that had nurtured our children. Instead of celebrating my achievements in the television industry, I fixated on what I hadn’t accomplished. Then, a few weeks ago, a light bulb went off: So what? Seriously, who cares?
So what if people know I’m approaching 40? So what if I’m not a size 4 anymore or if my clothes are a bit snug? I’m exactly where I need to be, and it’s high time I stop resisting that fact. Tomorrow, I will turn 40, and I’m ready to embrace it.
As I sit here on the final day of my 30s, I feel a sense of excitement about the journey that has brought me here. Instead of seeing age as just a number, I recognize it as a testament to growth.
Turning 40 symbolizes the resilience of my marriage after enduring nearly a decade of struggles with infertility. It reflects the strength I found after navigating the challenging path of IVF and the joy of becoming a parent. Forty is a reminder that I’ve experienced life fully and, yes, I still look pretty darn good. This milestone has inspired me to focus on my own aspirations rather than seeking approval from others, leading me to start my own business.
Now, it’s time to embrace love and look forward to what lies ahead. Though years may feel like mere numbers, they pass swiftly, and I refuse to waste another moment fretting over the math. It’s time to live authentically and joyfully.
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Summary
Turning 40 can be daunting, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and self-acceptance. Embracing this milestone allows us to appreciate our journeys, celebrate our achievements, and look forward to what lies ahead, free from societal pressures about age.