When you start getting to know someone who could potentially become a partner, you typically explore a range of activities together. You might grab a coffee, enjoy dinner, catch a movie, or attend a concert. These varied experiences help you learn about each other and how your personalities mesh. Initially, dating is about discovering who someone is; as the connection deepens, it becomes about creating memories and strengthening your relationship.
My partner and I take a similar approach with our children — though not in a romantic way, of course! We both work from home and spend a lot of time with our kids, yet we realized that we rarely had quality one-on-one time with each child. We were missing a valuable chance to understand each child’s individuality, outside of the family dynamic and daily routines.
So, we decided to designate “dates” with each of our kids once a month. Here’s how we manage it:
We alternate months.
I take each child out in July, my partner takes them in August, and we continue this pattern. We found that trying to schedule dates for both of us each month became overwhelming, given our busy lives filled with friends and activities. Alternating months has proven much more manageable.
We keep it simple.
By simple, I mean affordable. Our outings usually involve a trip to the ice cream shop or a local bubble tea place. Sometimes, my teenager wants to visit a craft store like Michael’s. We’ve even explored thrift shops and coffee shops. Occasionally, we splurge on dinner if previous dates were budget-friendly, but I try to keep our outings to around $10 to stay within our family budget.
We make conversation a priority.
While our kids have suggested movies for our dates, we prefer activities that allow for conversation. The goal of this intentional time is to connect more deeply and give our kids a chance to discuss things they might hesitate to bring up in front of siblings.
We don’t stress about perfection.
Although our one-on-one time is significant, it doesn’t need to be extraordinary. Some dates have been fantastic bonding experiences, while others have been relatively uneventful. What matters is the commitment to spend that time together. Our kids eagerly anticipate these outings and often remind us of them. They cherish having a parent all to themselves, and that dedicated time carries immense value, even if it’s just over a shared bowl of ice cream.
We express our enjoyment.
During these outings, my kids often open up in ways that they don’t during our usual family time. My partner has noticed the same dynamic during his outings. These intimate conversations are priceless, allowing us to appreciate each child’s unique personality. While we can connect at home, there’s something special about stepping away from our routine. That focused hour truly nurtures our bond and helps us grow closer.
This close relationship lays a foundation for everything, from discipline to trust and cooperation around the house. I always emphasize how enjoyable our time together is. Kids are more inclined to be helpful and respectful when they feel a genuine connection. I firmly believe that this investment in time together will yield invaluable returns in the future.
It might sound unusual to say that we “date” our children, but that’s exactly what we do. We carve out special moments away from our daily lives, intentionally focusing on strengthening our bond. We learn new things, share stories, laugh, and simply enjoy each other’s company. In essence, we fall deeper in love, which is the best outcome one can hope for from a date.
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Summary:
Spending one-on-one time with each child is a fulfilling way to deepen family bonds. By scheduling monthly “dates,” we create opportunities for meaningful conversations and shared experiences, all while keeping it simple and budget-friendly. This intentional approach helps nurture our relationship and fosters a sense of connection that benefits everyone in the family.