Welcome to the third night of the Republican National Convention! This evening’s theme is “Make America First Again,” a catchy slogan that seems to suggest our initials don’t stand for nothing. Anticipations are high for another appearance by Donald Trump, especially after the drama that unfolded over the previous nights. Let’s dive into the lively atmosphere of this convention and see what unfolded.
Rick Johnson, Governor of Florida
Hello everyone, I’m Rick Johnson, hailing from sunny Florida. Before Mr. Trump makes his grand entrance, I want to express my gratitude for all the support following the tragic events in Orlando. The LGBTQ+ community wanted to convey their thanks as well, along with a request to preserve their civil rights. But hey, that’s just me relaying the message!
Terrorism used to feel like something that happened far away, but how many more tragedies like Orlando or San Bernardino will occur before our leaders start being honest? And a quick question: what do all those shooters have in common? (Just a hint: it starts with an “M” and rhymes with “Uslim.”)
This is the year we get to send the politicians packing, and who better to do that than a reality TV star famous for saying, “You’re fired”? For real, if you needed a warning about explosives, you might as well call in Jimmie “JJ” Walker from “Good Times.” Makes total sense, right?
Pam Anderson, Attorney General of Florida
Unfortunately, we missed Pam’s speech, as it seems she’s still trying to recover from a recent encounter with a certain news anchor. The cameras were kind enough to look away tonight.
Col. Lisa Thompson, Retired, First Female Commander, U.S. Space Shuttle
I know many of you have been waiting for someone to address space exploration. It’s essential to our identity as Americans! Since the first settlers arrived, we’ve been asking, “What’s next?” and perhaps the Native Americans were thinking, “Excuse me, what gives?”
Carlos Martinez, State Senator
Greetings! Before Mr. Trump pops up from below, let’s talk about the aspirations of Hispanic Americans. Many of us dream simply of escaping chaos and corruption for a better life here. My parents did this legally, just as those of you questioning my credentials already know. Under President Obama, we’ve seen more division than ever. Democrats don’t deserve our votes! The crowd erupts in applause.
Steve Walker, Governor of Wisconsin
HELLO, I’M STEVE WALKER, AND I’M LOUDER THAN YOU! AMERICA DESERVES BETTER THAN HILLARY CLINTON. WE HAVE BEEN GOOD, AND WE WANT OUR COOKIE. AMERICA DESERVES BETTER. ARE YOU TIRED YET? TOO BAD, I’VE GOT MORE LOUD THINGS TO SAY ABOUT EMAILS AND COLLEGE TUITION!
Lynne White, The Trump Foundation
Guess what, Republican Party? Black lives, like mine, often feel undervalued in this country. But Donald Trump understands that all lives matter. I’m here to support him not despite my race, but because of it. I wonder why they’ve kept me hidden until now?
Senator Mark Rivera (via video)
Sigh So, Hillary isn’t the best choice, right? Alright then, let’s go with Plan B. That’s all I have to say!
Senator Ted Cruz
Congratulations to Donald Trump for winning the nomination! Like all of you, I want to see conservative principles prevail in November. This election is crucial. What if this is our last chance to do something for our families and our country? I ask myself this daily, and the answer is always, “Yes, Ted, you did well.”
Our party was founded to combat slavery, and we must remember that history. Ironically, as I speak about injustice, the flag behind me seems to be disagreeing.
Newt Thompson, Former Speaker, House of Representatives
Before Donald Trump arrives, let’s clarify Ted’s point. He wants you to vote for someone who will uphold the Constitution, and there’s truly only one candidate for that: Donald Trump. See what I did there, Ted? Academic burn!
Now, let’s discuss our fears and who poses threats to our safety. We need not fear the majority of Muslims, but the sheer number of individuals makes us vulnerable. We’re in more danger now than ever. If we survive until November, please consider voting for Trump.
Michael Smith, Vice Presidential Nominee and Governor
I accept your nomination to serve as Vice President of the United States. For those who don’t know me, here are some key descriptors: Veteran, cornfield, Reagan, family man, Hoosier. I sound like a decent fellow, right? Well, let’s talk about my views on forced funerals for fetuses! (Spoiler alert: I’m all for it.)
In a campfire tale style, let me share why Hillary shouldn’t be in charge. Hillary represents the Status Quo! When Donald Trump takes office, the changes will be…HUGE!
If I become Vice President, I promise to pray daily because we’ll certainly need it. Thank you, and may God bless America! [Trump makes his entrance, a grand sight indeed.]
In summary, while the third night of the convention featured a diverse array of speakers, the common thread was a call to action against perceived threats and a strong push for Donald Trump’s leadership. For more insights on home insemination and related topics, check out our posts on intracervical insemination and learn more about the process from Make a Mom. Additionally, American Pregnancy provides excellent resources on pregnancy and donor insemination.