I found myself in bed at around 2 p.m., battling the flu, when my 9-year-old son, Ethan, nudged me. “I know you’re not feeling well. If you give me some screen time, I promise I won’t bother you,” he stated matter-of-factly.
Turning to face him, I noticed his round little face was serious, wearing a green gaming T-shirt and shorts. His arms were crossed, and his hair looked tousled. There was no hint of a smile; he was dead set on his request.
My wife, Lisa, had taken our two youngest daughters out for errands, leaving me with Ethan. I hadn’t realized he still had unfinished chores—a list we created to earn screen time—and I was now stuck with a kid eager to negotiate for iPad privileges.
“Did you finish your list?” I asked, knowing where this was headed.
“I did most of it,” he replied, which immediately raised my suspicions.
Earlier this year, we had gifted all our kids tablets, convincing ourselves they would use them for educational purposes. The truth? We wanted some peace and quiet after long days. When I first became a parent, I would put on kids’ shows for a brief respite, but now I could hand them a tablet and enjoy silence for hours.
While I appreciate the tranquility that comes from having all three kids absorbed in their screens, I’m also aware that these devices can be as addictive as any substance out there. Managing screen time has become a significant part of parenting today. My kids don’t gather around for Saturday morning cartoons anymore; instead, they watch videos of others playing games or unboxing toys. The options for entertainment are endless, and much of it is far from educational.
To maintain some control, we devised a chore chart where screen time is the reward. Our children prioritize earning screen time over money. Ethan can gain screen time by doing tasks like taking out the trash or cleaning his room. They know they need to complete basic daily responsibilities—like brushing their teeth and tidying up—before earning any screen time.
I confess, my kids will do almost anything for a little extra screen time. Just last week, I had Ethan picking up dog poop in the yard, and he was grinning from ear to ear because I promised him 45 minutes of tablet time. However, this system has also turned them into crafty negotiators and manipulators who push the limits of our screen time rules.
Since we got the tablets, I’ve caught my daughter pretending to be sick just to get some extra iPad time. Ethan has lied about finishing his chores to score screen time, and they’ve even tried to sneak games in the bathroom! One time, Ethan proposed a deal: if I let him have extra screen time, he wouldn’t tell Lisa about the flowers I accidentally sprayed with weed killer.
Sometimes, negotiating screen time feels like bargaining with a street vendor—what can I get for what task? While it showcases their cleverness, it has also transformed them into screen-obsessed little creatures.
It seemed that Ethan had realized I was vulnerable and could be easily swayed. I sat up, eyeing him. He tried to maintain his composure, but eventually looked down.
“If you didn’t do your tasks, you know the rule: no screens,” I reminded him. His demeanor shifted; he started to whine. “Please, Dad.”
I raised my hand to stop him. “Ethan, I’m unwell, and it’s not right to try to take advantage of me when I’m down.”
He began to protest, but I cut him off, asserting, “We both know what you’re doing here.”
After a moment of silence, I asked him to recount what he had completed on his list. After some back and forth, he realized he could finish his chores quickly and I offered him some extra time if he would help me by making soup.
“Let’s help each other out,” I said. And while he didn’t look thrilled about the arrangement, we reached a deal and even shook hands like we were making a serious business agreement.
“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you,” I remarked, and he smiled as he headed to the kitchen.
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In summary, while screen time has become a form of currency in our household, it also reveals the cleverness of our children, who are eager to negotiate their way into more screen time. This ongoing challenge keeps me on my toes, making parenting both rewarding and complex.