Reflecting on the ride home from my first ultrasound, I vividly recall sitting at a red light, listening to a Mariah Carey song, “I’ll Be There.” Tears of joy streamed down my face as I realized the incredible gift I had been given: the chance to be there for my soon-to-arrive daughter. I was blissfully unaware that my role as a mother would require me to adapt in ways I couldn’t yet imagine, especially after her autism diagnosis.
As I’ve faced numerous challenges with my daughter—some nerve-wracking, some joyful—I find myself increasingly eager to foster her independence. Being on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum places her in a unique position; sometimes she appears neurotypical and independent, yet in other moments, she requires support that’s typical for her age. It’s easy to forget that, at just 11 years old, she still needs her mother more than I realize.
There are simple tasks she struggles with, like brushing her hair and teeth or tying her shoes. She still needs assistance when it comes to washing her long, beautiful hair—so lovely that I can’t bear the thought of cutting it. Academically, she faces hurdles, and I often question her true grade level, wondering if it even matters. When she calls out, “Time to brush my teeth, Mom!” I sometimes let out a sigh of frustration. Why do I react this way? Am I just being lazy or irresponsible? Why the rush for her to grow up? Am I masking my fears about her future independence, worried she might miss out on her dreams—and mine for her?
What I need to focus on is encouraging her independence through manageable steps that will eventually allow her to tackle these tasks alone. It’s essential that I celebrate her achievements rather than expressing my exasperation. With everything she has accomplished so far—thanks to therapy, education, and our guidance—I should feel grateful.
She can form sentences, is fully potty-trained, reads independently with great expression, and has a variety of interests like reading, playing with dolls, and cheerleading. She adores makeup, clothes, jewelry, and loves jamming to the Grease soundtrack alongside Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. Like any other pre-teen, she has her moments of sass and sibling squabbles with her brother, which honestly brings me joy. Who would have thought that I’d be so pleased to witness typical sibling rivalry? It reassures me that her future is bright.
Reflecting back, I recall that I didn’t learn how to do laundry until my first year of college, and I can barely manage to cook. I was thrilled to discover that my partner enjoys cooking, and let’s just say sports are not my forte.
As I think back to that evening at the stoplight, moved by a song, it inspires me to continue being there for my daughter—this remarkable girl who has turned my world upside down and captured my heart. Just as I committed to my partner, I made a promise to my daughter, and I intend to fulfill it. I’ll be there for you, my little one.
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In summary, supporting a child with autism is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs. It’s crucial to recognize the small victories and foster independence while remembering that every child, regardless of their circumstances, needs their parent’s love and guidance.
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