Nothing grinds my gears faster than hearing my little one tell me I’m doing this parenting thing all wrong. It’s not enough that I provide meals and clothes for them; they seem to forget all those late nights when I rocked them to sleep while they screamed, or how I dealt with countless diaper disasters. Instead, they’ve become the experts on my shortcomings, trying to shame me at every turn.
There are days when I want to unleash my true feelings when my sweet child criticizes me, but most parents know how to keep those thoughts in check and say the right thing—most of the time.
Common Comparisons
Child: I’m the only one in my class without a phone.
Parents think: Seriously? I must be raising a master manipulator. You’re not getting a phone anytime soon, you little rascal.
Parents say: That’s unfortunate, but patience is a virtue. It’ll be a while before you get a phone.
Child: Jamie gets to stay up until 11 every night.
Parents think: No wonder Jamie is a total mess at school. That kid needs more sleep!
Parents say: I doubt that’s true, and we stick to our bedtime of 8:30, so only four hours to go!
Child: A bunch of my friends saw the new monster movie, and they said it wasn’t scary.
Parents think: Oh, I bet their parents were checking every corner for terrifying creatures! No way!
Parents say: I think it might be a bit too intense for all of us. Let’s choose something else.
Child: I’m the only one who gets a healthy lunch. Everyone else has chocolate milk and chips!
Parents think: Seriously? Am I raising a little liar? They better watch it or I’ll pack them kale salad for lunch every day. Besides, I want chips too!
Parents say: We have to appreciate what we get. If you don’t eat your lunch, remember—no after-school snacks!
Child: Jamie’s parents let him go out without supervision.
Parents think: Not a chance! I know what happens with unsupervised kids.
Parents say: Nope, that’s not happening. Maybe when you’re older, but for now, you can play here or find something to do on your own.
Child: Everyone has way more toys than we do. Why can’t we have more?
Parents think: You’re all spoiled and don’t appreciate what you have. Plus, I’d rather spend on some wine!
Parents say: We can’t have everything we want. It’s good to save some things for birthdays and holidays. Now go enjoy that brand new Lego set!
Child: You never let us have friends over. Jamie has friends over all the time!
Parents think: Well, Jamie is an only child. His parents need a break!
Parents say: You can play with your siblings, the dog, or just by yourself today. Maybe tomorrow!
Child: We’re the only family in the neighborhood without a cat. I really want one!
Parents think: Another pet means more mess. No thanks!
Parents say: Maybe someday. (Note to self: Stop saying this!)
Child: I have way more responsibilities than other kids my age.
Parents think: You have no idea how easy you have it! I had to do so much more at your age.
Parents say: These chores are helping you build character. I’m proud of your hard work!
Child: Jamie’s mom lets him listen to music meant for grown-ups.
Parents think: I can’t stand Jamie.
Parents say: That music isn’t suitable for you. We’ll stick to what I enjoy!
Sometimes I manage to respond thoughtfully when my kids compare my parenting to other families, but other times, a quick, “Really? Maybe you should go live there,” slips out. Then I hear, “Yeah! I wish I could! You’re so mean!” as they storm off, probably fantasizing about how much better they have it with Jamie, when in reality, they’re just missing the point.
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Summary
Parenting can be a challenge, especially when kids compare their lives to others. While it’s easy to feel frustrated, it’s important to remain grounded and respond thoughtfully. Kids often forget the effort and sacrifices parents make. Instead of losing your cool, try to engage in constructive conversations and remind them to appreciate what they have.