Some days, it feels like it’s been an eternity since you left us, and other days, it feels like just yesterday when I witnessed the nurse in her teal scrubs deliver the words that still echo in my mind: “She’s gone.” And just like that, you slipped away, leaving me with a heart full of things I never had the chance to express.
I know you always thought of me as a daddy’s girl, but that changed as I entered high school. You missed the shift, and it happened so seamlessly that I never acknowledged it. You might not have realized it, but you were my anchor during those four years. The lines between mother and friend blurred, and I wish I had told you that you were my best friend. Not my pals from school—those partners in mischief—but you, Mom. You were the one I went shopping with, the one I skipped school with, the one who helped me create spirit gear. No one can ever fill the space you left behind.
Do you recall the nights I begged to sleep over at friends’ houses? You thought it was because I was embarrassed about where we lived, or worse, that I was ashamed of you due to your illness. I assured you I wasn’t, but I never revealed how mistaken you were. I could never feel shame for you. Your illness was part of you, but it never defined you. You found ways to live vibrantly, even in pain. Your spirit soared high, even on your toughest days, and I wish I could have found the words to tell you how proud I was of you.
I noticed your sacrifices, even if I never expressed it. You wore old clothes so I could have new ones. You dug through the house for spare change to send me out with friends, refusing to let me miss out. You took me to games and stores when all you wanted was to rest. You poured everything you had into me daily, and I’m sorry I never said thank you. I find myself whispering those words at your grave often.
You were always my first love, Mom. To me, you were everything good in the world—love, kindness, patience, and those delightful biscuits and gravy on Sunday mornings. You were my source of comfort and my cheerleader, always there to tell me I looked beautiful, even when I felt anything but. You were my motivation when I wanted to give up, my warm chocolate chip marshmallow sandwiches on cold days. You were my home, and I never told you that.
Now, I can’t share these thoughts with you. You rest in a place beyond my reach, and I navigate a world you left behind. But I’ll carry on your love to everyone I meet. I’ll smile through my struggles and rise every time I fall. I’ll strive to be the kind, loving person you taught me to be for my son. Your shoes may be hard to fill, but I’m determined to honor your legacy.
This article reflects my journey of grief and love, and if you’re interested in more insights on personal experiences, check out other related posts on our blog, including valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination here.
Summary
In this heartfelt tribute, the author reflects on the profound relationship with her late mother, expressing the things she wishes she could have conveyed before her passing. She shares memories of love, sacrifice, and the lasting impact her mother had on her life. Despite the grief, she resolves to honor her mother’s legacy by embodying the values she instilled. The piece also encourages readers to explore more on related topics, linking to useful resources.