It’s a bright summer Wednesday at 11 a.m., and my tween is tucked away in her room. I take the dog for a walk, hit the grocery store, and squeeze in some work. Hours go by, and still, there’s no sign of my sixth-grader. I sneak a peek into her dimly lit room and find her lounging in pajamas, engrossed in her tablet.
“Hey there, sweetie,” I call from the doorway.
“Hey, Mom,” she responds without looking up, the scent of unwashed hair mixed with a fruity body lotion wafting through the air.
I hesitate for a moment, feeling the urge to coax her out of bed and into action, but I resist. “Remember to eat something,” I say softly as I close the door.
Not long ago, this scenario would have filled me with dread. When my older daughters were in elementary school, the idea of an unstructured summer sent me into a tailspin. I envisioned a chaotic house, piles of dirty laundry, and forgotten snacks hidden behind the couch. I felt the weight of knowing their friends were busy at Math Camp, mastering rock climbing at Adventure Camp, or “interning” at Horse Camp, and I was determined not to let my kids stay home. I shuttled them off to various camps, family visits, and organized outings to fill any empty days.
Between kindergarten and fourth grade, this structured approach worked for us. While the school year was packed with homework and activities, my kids had enough energy for even more action during the summer months. If I suggested they just chill at home, they’d embrace it for a day or two before complaining about boredom. My summer would have turned into an endless cycle of crafting, amusement parks, zoo visits, and driving them to see friends. That was not the kind of summer I wanted, and honestly, at their age, they thrived on structure.
Then came the tween years.
When my eldest returned from sleepaway camp and declared she was done with day camp, I panicked. I tried to reason with her, convinced she must be caught up in some lazy conspiracy threatening her intellectual growth. But she stood her ground. Unable to force her into camps, volunteering, or entrepreneurial endeavors, I reluctantly let her do…nothing.
I chuckled to myself—let’s see how long she lasts.
The first week was a whirlwind of my worst fears: She stayed in her pajamas, skipped showers, devoured endless bowls of cereal, and binge-watched movies and games. The TV room carried an odor that made me cringe. This extreme laziness sparked my parental guilt: Shouldn’t I be guiding her to explore new sports, read great literature, or at least watch something educational? Wasn’t it my responsibility to oversee her growth and development every minute of the day?
Week two began similarly, with lots of screen time and minimal hygiene. Yet, something shifted. She asked to go to the pool for laps, started walking the dog without complaints, and made plans with a friend for frozen yogurt. In between these outings, she began choosing books over screens, creating a photo collage, and sorting through a year’s worth of clutter.
As she took more initiative in planning her low-key days, my worries began to fade. We often went about our separate activities, but sometimes our paths would cross. We’d find ourselves lying on my bed, lost in our books, a luxury we rarely indulged in. We took trips to the grocery store, baked together, and enjoyed leisurely walks. While my days were still filled with errands and work, her time was spent in blissful solitude. Without the pressure of schedules and must-dos, we both found room to breathe, leading to less stress and more smiles.
In reality, we all need some downtime to recharge. With the busy pace of the school year, summer is a rare opportunity for my kids to truly relax. Allowing my daughter the freedom to simply be inspired me to embrace that same freedom. In a world that prizes productivity, spending days in pajamas and watching movies can feel like an act of defiance. So here we are—two rebels, ready to enjoy our summer, even if it’s just for a little while.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the author’s journey from anxiety over unstructured summers to embracing the joys of downtime. Allowing her tween daughter to enjoy a laid-back summer leads both to unexpected growth and relaxation. Through shared moments and independent pursuits, they find balance in their days.