Our eldest daughter, Mia, has always been remarkably talented when it comes to music. I know many parents think their kids are special, but Mia has an extraordinary knack for picking up instruments and playing them almost instantly. Even as a toddler, she would effortlessly harmonize with lullabies I sang without any formal training, and she created beautiful piano pieces all on her own.
When she was just six, she expressed a desire to learn the violin like her best friend. After her first lesson, her teacher, Ms. Carter, told me, “Wow! It’s like she was born to play. I rarely see kids with this kind of talent.” Truly impressive.
For six years, Mia attended weekly violin lessons. We switched teachers early on because the first one wasn’t a good match, and she loved her second instructor. While she enjoyed music, practicing was another story. By her fifth year, the excitement faded, and it turned into a struggle. She resisted practice time and felt constrained by the routine. It became a chore, and ultimately, she decided she wanted to quit.
We tried to reason with her, believing her feelings were typical for a 12-year-old. We discussed how many adults regret quitting instruments as kids, the importance of technique, and how hard work often leads to success. We even let her explore different music genres to reignite her passion. Yet, she remained firm in her desire to stop.
Recognizing that her enthusiasm was dwindling, we made the tough choice to let her quit. After countless hours of lessons and financial investment, we decided it was time to remove the pressure. We kept her violin, hoping she might return to it when she was ready, but we were unsure if we had made the right call.
For the first year, Mia hardly touched the instrument. In the second year, she played a bit of Irish fiddle on her own and occasionally revisited some classical pieces. Then, three years after she stopped, she casually mentioned, “I kind of miss playing the violin. I wish I hadn’t quit.”
Her reason for wanting to play again was not what we expected. At 15, she began contemplating college and realized that a music scholarship was a possibility. We had moved across the country in the meantime, so we found her a new teacher, and after a few months, she was back to playing. While she still doesn’t love practicing, she is flourishing.
As parents, it’s challenging to know if we’re making the right choices for our kids, especially when it comes to significant decisions. Many parents encounter similar dilemmas, whether in music, sports, or other activities. We were filled with uncertainty at that time, worried about whether she truly needed a break or if we were making a mistake by letting her quit. Would those six years have been in vain if she never returned to the violin? Ultimately, we chose to trust her instincts.
We understood that preserving our relationship with her and nurturing her love for music was more important than forcing her into something she no longer enjoyed. We recognized that if she was meant to continue, it would have to come from her own desire. And indeed, she came back to it on her own terms.
Not every child returns to an activity after a break, and sometimes those decisions are permanent, which is perfectly fine. We had to respect Mia’s choice and allow her to face the consequences, whatever they may be. I’m grateful we allowed her the freedom to make that decision, keeping the door open for her to return when she was ready. Even if she hadn’t chosen to come back, I believe we handled it the right way.
Recently, Mia performed for the first time in four years, and she absolutely nailed it. She felt proud of her performance, as did we. More importantly, we were thrilled to see her take charge of her musical journey, step away when necessary, and follow her passion when it called to her once again.
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Summary
Allowing our daughter to quit violin lessons was a difficult but necessary decision. It helped her preserve her love for music, and after a break, she returned to playing with renewed passion. Trusting her instincts proved to be the right choice, reinforcing the importance of letting children make their own decisions.