Back when I was 18, being called a conformist would have stung. It was the mid-’90s, and like many “alternative” girls, I dressed in Doc Martens, colorful barrettes, and slip dresses, with my hair dyed in vibrant shades thanks to Manic Panic. I thought I was being unique, but in reality, I was just blending in with all the other girls trying to stand out.
Fast forward twenty years, and I’ve fully embraced the comforts of conformity. So, what changed? I became a parent. Raising children involves a lot of time and energy—feeding, bathing, nurturing. I used to love diving into deep research, but now I find myself prioritizing sleep and simpler choices.
Instead of spending hours browsing websites or chatting with salespeople, I rely on recommendations from friends and family. If my cousin has picked a booster seat for her daughter, why would I waste time searching for alternatives? When it came to choosing a stroller, I simply asked around. If my friends loved the orange City Mini, then it was good enough for me. I even chose my car based on the popular Honda CR-V—everyone else liked it, so why wouldn’t I?
It’s a form of crowdsourcing, really. A quick Facebook post or a message on a forum yields countless suggestions from fellow parents. I find myself stocking up on the same foods that my friends do. If your pantry is filled with Annie’s macaroni and cheese, mine probably is too! The toys my kids play with mirror those of their friends, and of course, we all adore Sandra Boynton’s books.
Sure, not everything works the same for my kids as it does for my friends, but we often opt for similar products because we share similar needs. We exchange advice on baby bottles and favorite books while also informing each other about unnecessary items—like a wipe warmer or a pee-pee teepee that seems more like a money trap.
I’ve come to realize that conforming isn’t just easier; it’s also comforting. The parenting journey is filled with uncertainty, and the fear of making the wrong choices looms large. By following the lead of those who have gone before me, I can navigate this unfamiliar terrain with a bit more confidence.
I no longer feel the need to be a standout. I still enjoy expressing myself, though now I opt for a more subdued hair color rather than the bold shades of my youth. I don’t want to disappear into suburban monotony, but I appreciate that I can be myself even while using the same baby walker as my neighbor.
There’s no merit in complicating life unnecessarily. You don’t earn a trophy for going against the grain. I never imagined I’d find joy in conformity, but here I am, fully embracing my identity as a suburban stay-at-home mom. After moving to New York City with dreams of grandeur, life took a beautiful turn as I got married and welcomed two wonderful children.
As I’ve matured, my understanding of success has evolved. I no longer crave the spotlight. My priority is now my children’s happiness, safety, and wellbeing. By leaning into the more conformist side of parenting, I feel I can better achieve that goal.
So yes, I’m a conformist now, and I’m increasingly comfortable with that label as I navigate through parenthood.
For more insights on home insemination and parenting, check out some of our other blog posts, such as this one. If you’re interested in fertility resources, Make a Mom offers great information. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine provides excellent resources on pregnancy and fertility.
Summary:
This article reflects on the author’s transformation from a rebellious youth to a content conformist parent. Emphasizing the ease and comfort of following the crowd in parenting choices, the author shares how this shift aligns with their new priorities—ensuring the happiness and safety of their children, rather than seeking individuality.