Sometimes, the most pressing questions come at the most unexpected moments. One evening, while driving my 14-year-old daughter, Ella, to her soccer practice, my mind was preoccupied with dinner plans, school projects, and a meeting later that night. Suddenly, she broke the silence with, “Mom, can we talk about suicide for a minute?”
That kind of direct question from a teenager is enough to snap anyone back to reality, isn’t it? Wanting to give her my full attention, I found a safe place to park the car before diving into what could be a heavy conversation. My heart raced as I braced myself, and I couldn’t help but notice how much she was growing up, her childhood features giving way to a more mature look.
Ella opened up about a recent presentation at school focused on suicide prevention. She shared how it shook her up and she was still processing everything. With tears welling in her eyes, she recounted a classmate’s story, a brave moment that resonated with her deeply. “What if he had gone through with it?” she asked, and we both fell silent, contemplating the gravity of such a decision.
As parents, our greatest fear is seeing our children suffer emotionally. We watch them navigate the complexities of friendships, bullying, and the pressures of adolescence, hoping we’ve equipped them with the strength to face these challenges. The thought of losing a child to suicide is a nightmare we all dread. Having gone through my own teenage struggles, I often worry that Ella may be wrestling with similar feelings of loneliness or inadequacy.
It’s easy to become overly sensitive to every little conflict they have with friends, and hard not to jump in to help resolve issues at school. But we must remember that these emotional challenges are a rite of passage, much like a baby learning to sleep through the night.
So, that spring evening, I listened as Ella shared her feelings. We discussed her classmate’s story and how isolated he must have felt during his struggles. When she asked why someone would consider such a drastic action, I gently explained that for some, the pain feels unbearable. She was moved, saying, “It took a lot of bravery for my classmate to seek help, and even more to share his story.”
Indeed, that was a moment of courage. Acknowledging how rare these conversations are with our teens, I used this opportunity to ask about her feelings. Track practice faded into the background as we explored her social life and how accepted she felt among her peers. I shared my own teen stories, times when I felt left out or questioned my place in the world.
To my surprise, Ella didn’t express the usual teenage frustrations or dismissive comments. Instead, she told me she felt content with where she was in life. While she acknowledged that middle school could be emotional and dramatic, she found comfort in knowing her friends were experiencing the same things. She reassured me, “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m okay, I promise. And if I’m not, I’ll let you know.” In that moment, I realized that while life offers no guarantees, our children often possess more resilience than we anticipate. Their experiences may differ from ours, and sometimes, it’s important to ease our worries and trust them to navigate their teenage years.
As I watched Ella run off to practice, silhouetted against the setting sun, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. In that moment, I knew she was going to be alright.
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Summary:
Talking about suicide with your teen can be daunting, but it’s essential for understanding their feelings and experiences. By creating a safe space for open dialogue, you can help them navigate the emotional complexities of adolescence. Recognizing their resilience can ease parental worries and foster trust between you and your child.