You might consider me a bit traditional. I still prefer to use a physical calendar—one that requires a pen. My journey with online dating began in my mid-20s, around the time when platforms like eHarmony and Match revolutionized the dating landscape. Back then, all my single friends were signing up, albeit quietly. After attending several weddings that resulted from online matches, I was convinced to try it myself.
One Sunday afternoon, I joined a friend in crafting our online profiles. I navigated through a series of multiple-choice and essay questions about my personality, values, and what I sought in a partner. I even created a dedicated email for my online escapades, eager to find that special someone.
Initially, the thrill of exploring potential matches faded as I reached out to many, only to be met with silence. Eventually, I connected with a man named Alex, who began asking me questions in the same structured format. I found his profile appealing, and it seemed our interests aligned. My hopes soared! With my friends’ encouragement, I carefully crafted my responses, eager to impress.
As we exchanged daily emails, I found myself developing strong feelings for Alex. However, everything changed when I received devastating news about my father’s late-stage cancer diagnosis. I shared this with Alex in my next email, mentioning that my relationship with my father was complicated.
After that, the communication abruptly ceased. I replayed my message in my mind, desperate to understand what went wrong. I even had friends read it for insight, but nothing clicked. Finally, I reached out to Alex, only to receive a curt reply: “I don’t date girls with complicated issues.” That was the end of our connection.
Heartbroken and disheartened, I decided to step away from online dating. During my time off, I went on a few dates, had crushes, and even seriously dated an old college friend. However, as I approached my early 30s, a close friend persuaded me to give online dating another chance. She was on the hunt for a man with an accent and had discovered a new site focused on international connections. Reluctantly, I agreed.
Fast forward a decade, and there I was again, spending another Sunday perfecting my profile. I answered questions carefully and selected photos that captured my essence. While my friend quickly found success, my inbox filled with messages from men who sought a submissive partner or were primarily interested in my American citizenship. I reached out to those who seemed promising, but once more, the silence was deafening. Eventually, I disabled my account.
After moving twice in the past seven years, I signed up for various online dating sites, wondering how else to meet someone. Each time ended in disappointment and account deactivation. Now at 38, I finally recognized that online dating simply isn’t for me. While it has worked wonders for many, I dislike the ability to create an inauthentic profile. The experience feels contrived, and I often question the authenticity of those I meet online. It feels too much like shopping for companionship, and ghosting has become far too easy.
So, after 13 years and multiple dating sites, I’ve decided to call it quits. While it may seem that everyone else is finding their perfect match online, I’ve chosen to step away. Since disconnecting, I’ve never felt happier in my single life. I no longer dwell on when I might meet someone. I have no prospects, but by logging off permanently, I’ve gifted myself the present moment.
Instead of scrolling through profiles, I devote my time to activities I adore, like hiking and writing. I’m nurturing my connections with the loved ones nearby. I’ve discovered a deeper joy in giving myself permission to stop searching and simply embrace where I am. Without the constant distraction of a screen, I find myself smiling more at strangers, realizing that a simple smile can lead to unexpected connections.
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In summary, stepping away from online dating has allowed me to reclaim my happiness and focus on the present, transforming my perspective on relationships and personal fulfillment.