When my partner and I first started dating, we lived in a city apartment where we barely knew anyone. Sure, there was that annoying neighbor who always took our parking space and the party guy who buzzed our door at 2 a.m., but overall, we kept to ourselves. We had friends, but none were what you’d call “apartment buddies.”
Our first house was in a suburban neighborhood close to my partner’s new job. We were novices at homeownership, which meant our neighbors often chuckled at our landscaping and DIY projects. While they admired our not-so-great gardening skills, we still lacked a circle of friends to hang out with for Margarita Fridays or game nights.
Everything shifted once we welcomed kids into our lives. Suddenly, our neighborhood felt like a secret club filled with jewelry parties, book clubs, and cornhole tournaments. Our little ones had instant playmates next door, and we toasted our new friendships with margaritas every Friday night.
But beneath the friendly facade, the neighborhood wasn’t as perfect as it seemed. There were whispers about who was invited to which gatherings, frustrations over a neighbor’s extravagant garage addition, and debates about homes sold below asking price. This made me think that neighborhoods could use some real rules—beyond the stiff bylaws enforced by homeowner associations. A neighborhood manifesto, if you will.
Here’s what I propose to include in my neighborhood manifesto:
- I vow to keep my freezer stocked with popsicles and will happily share them with your kids in the summer. No fancy brands here; we like to keep it simple.
- If your child rides by without a helmet, I’ll shout, “Get back here and put that helmet on before you hurt yourself!”
- I won’t take offense if you skip my jewelry, kitchen utensil, or essential oils parties. In fact, I decree that all these money-wasting gatherings are banned.
- During a natural disaster, I will help your family however I can. This includes sending my partner to shovel snow while I bring the drinks for support.
- I promise to collect your mail and newspaper while you’re away—no judgment if your bills read “past due.”
- If I bring food to a gathering, it’ll be store-bought with the price tag still attached. Chips will stay in the bag, dips will have lids, and all desserts will proudly display the bakery name. Drinks? Red Solo cups all the way!
- Coffee and wine will always be available at my place. If you’re having a rough day, I’ll offer you a mug or a wine glass—no judgment if you choose wine at 9 a.m.
- When “Thriller” plays at any gathering, I guarantee I’ll hit the dance floor and nail that evil laugh at the end. And I’ll promptly switch the music to ’80s hits, banishing anything from 2000 onward.
- Bus stop duties? Those belong to the parents who are running the least late. All kids will be gathered and held until the tardy parents arrive.
- If your dog poops in someone’s yard, pick it up! If you don’t, you’ll be tasked with planning the annual block party.
- In the event of a death or family emergency, please, no lasagnas—bring something other than Italian. Booze is always appreciated!
- When a neighbor lists their house, everyone else is free to check it out on Zillow and critique the decor.
- Our neighborhood games shall include Cards Against Humanity, beer pong, and maybe a little strip poker. Scrabble? Absolutely banned from all Saturday night events.
- If you don’t get invited to a gathering, just assume the hostess either forgot or thought you’d show up anyway—don’t sulk, just come on over!
- Treat others as you wish to be treated regarding the pool. Let’s share the fun with those less fortunate in the pool department.
Being part of a neighborhood doesn’t have to be like something out of a sitcom. These rules are ones I could easily get behind. Throw in a monthly “Beer Money” collection and a neighborhood party featuring some live music, and I’d never want to leave this fantastic community.
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Summary:
A neighborhood manifesto can bring fun, support, and camaraderie to community life. This lighthearted guide emphasizes maintaining friendships, sharing responsibilities, and enjoying simple pleasures while navigating the ups and downs of neighborhood dynamics.