As I inch closer to my 30th birthday, the inquiries about starting a family seem to multiply. Whether it’s from family, friends, or even casual acquaintances, the curiosity about babies is relentless. My partner and I definitely envision having kids in the future, which is part of why we just bought a house. However, the timing is still unclear for us.
Having been married for nearly four years, it feels like there’s an expectation that we should have a little one by now—especially given how some couples seem to have kids almost immediately after tying the knot. That’s not our path, though. We’ve moved across four states in four years, and I can’t help but think about how challenging that would have been with a baby in tow.
Everyone’s journey is different, and we all deserve to make our choices free from judgment. There are numerous reasons someone might not have kids yet—whether it’s a personal choice, challenges with conception, or simply not feeling ready. Yet, I often hear the following comments that can be quite frustrating.
- “When I was your age, I already had a couple kids!”
That’s great! I’ve had the chance to travel extensively, including two trips to Europe. While I know some people travel with kids, I imagine it’s a bit easier without them. - “You look like a natural with that baby. Maybe it’s time for one of your own!”
Sure, I didn’t drop the baby! Clearly, I’m ready for parenthood now, right? - “Let me share a horror story about when I had my baby…”
Please, no. I’d love to have kids someday, but hearing scary stories isn’t exactly helping. The only thing I can contribute is how my dog once scratched me, and that was pretty painful. - “You’re not getting any younger.”
True, but neither are you! What’s the point of that comment? - “Your kids will be SO cute!”
What if they’re not? Can we do a return? I get it; you think my future child will be adorable because of their mixed heritage. - “Are you next?”
I can’t control when or if I have kids, so why ask me that? - “Having a dog isn’t the same as having a child.”
Thank goodness for that! Dogs can be left alone for a few hours, unlike children. Plus, my dog stopped waking me up every few hours pretty quickly. - “You’ve had a puppy. You can handle a baby!”
Can we just pick one argument? You can’t have it both ways. - “Can’t you hear your biological clock ticking?”
Nope! I listen to music a lot, maybe that drowns it out. Or perhaps it’s broken? Time will tell! - “So… when are you going to have a baby?”
Definitely not in the next nine months! But don’t fret; you’ll find out eventually—probably not as soon as you’d like, but you’ll meet my kid before they head off to college.
Honestly, it would be great if people could refrain from making these comments to those of us who are child-free, even if you are a parent yourself. It’s often an uncomfortable topic, and many don’t appreciate the unsolicited opinions.
(Our parents are exempt from this, of course. They’re going to ask regardless, so let’s just accept that. Hi, Mom!)
For more insights about family planning and other related topics, check out our blog on the importance of understanding your options, like this post. If you’re exploring the world of home insemination, Cryobaby offers great resources. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine is an excellent source for information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, as you approach 30 and remain childless, you may encounter a variety of comments and questions that can feel intrusive or annoying. It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique and deserving of respect, so let’s keep the conversation supportive and understanding.