Lifestyle
How I Deal With Strangers Who Assume I’m Expecting
Congratulations! You just discovered you’re pregnant! Feeling a bit anxious? That’s totally normal! Brace yourself, because suddenly, everyone feels entitled to comment on your life and ask personal questions. People who wouldn’t have glanced your way in the supermarket are now offering unsolicited parenting advice in the dog food aisle. If you’re really lucky, you might even find a stranger giving your belly a rub at the grocery store.
Honestly, it astounds me how the presence of a baby bump makes touching someone without permission seem acceptable. Imagine standing in line at the deli and turning to a random woman who isn’t pregnant to say, “Hey, I love your shirt!” and then starting to rub her stomach and shoulders. What could happen? She might scream, punch me, run away, or call for help—who knows? But one thing is certain: she would definitely think I’d lost my mind. You just don’t go around touching people!
But somehow, all those social rules change when you’re pregnant. Fortunately for me, I don’t typically give off that “please talk to me” vibe—especially during my second pregnancy when my frown was basically a permanent fixture. Let’s just say my patience was pretty much gone. I only had a few encounters with overly friendly strangers, mostly older women at the library who didn’t care about personal boundaries while I was trying to entertain my son with some turtles.
And then there are the questions, oh so many questions! When you’re pregnant, it feels like you spend 75% of your time fielding inquiries and the other 25% sprawled on your bed surrounded by pillows, a Snoogle, and binge-watching Netflix. (I mean, who can resist just one more episode of “Orange is the New Black”? It’s shockingly easy to watch four in one night when you hit the hay at 7:30. Or is that just me?)
Once the baby arrives, you might think the awkward conversations would lessen. After all, you’re no longer sporting a giant baby bump, so maybe people will be less curious. While I appreciate the kindness of strangers, I was utterly drained from all the small talk. But no, the awkwardness just shifts to new subjects. It’s like my life became a sitcom starring me in the lead role of “Awkward Conversations.”
My post-baby body feels like a stranger to me. The only character I relate to is Santa Claus. My arms and legs slimmed down quickly, but my midsection? Well, it’s a bit more “jolly” than I’d like. As I race up and down the stairs, I understand Santa’s plight. No wonder he opts for that big red suit—it’s probably because he’s tired of searching for clothes that fit! While my limbs continue to tone up, my belly seems to have its own agenda. I think I resemble a pregnant woman again, but this body type is definitely not what you’d find in a fashion magazine. After taking the “What’s Your Body Type?” quiz, it turns out my ideal outfits are either a poncho or a ghost costume.
The postpartum phase is undeniably awkward, whether we want to admit it or not. Here’s a little story from my life that demonstrates just how funny it can get. I was at work in the healthcare center, and there was a nurse I really liked—she always had a dry sense of humor. But one day, she yelled across the room, “You’re on baby number three? Trying to set a record?” I could feel my cheeks turning red as I replied, “Not pregnant. Just a little fluffy. Haha.” But she didn’t quite catch it and kept asking questions about my nonexistent third pregnancy. I think I momentarily blacked out while searching for an escape route.
And then there’s the well-meaning praise. “Oh my gosh, Jamie! You look amazing!” or “You just had two babies!” Thanks, but I’ll pass on the excessive compliments. The struggle postpartum is real! I must have been congratulated for being pregnant around 30 times in the year following my second child. I’ve practically become a pro at handling these situations. So, if you ever find yourself in a similar position, here are some witty comebacks for when someone assumes you’re expecting, but really, you just don’t quite recognize your own body anymore:
- Them: When are you due?
You: I’m due to take a nap at 9 a.m. - Them: How many months along are you?
You: I’m 360 months old. - Them: Congratulations!
You: Thanks! I wasn’t sure I could finish that burrito, but I made it! - Them: Is it a boy or a girl?
You: It’s a gluten intolerance I developed from being pregnant for two years straight. So, eat your heart out!
The good news is, it really doesn’t matter. These smiles and giggles are worth any lingering battle scars you might carry from childbirth, whether they be physical or emotional. I just look at these amusing interactions and realize they’re not worth stressing over.
I want to live in a world where moms don’t feel pressured to hide every trace of motherhood from their bodies. These are my badges of honor. After all, I delivered two 10-pound babies, proving just how badass I really am.
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Summary
This article humorously explores the awkward moments and assumptions that come with being a new mother. From unsolicited advice and questions to the challenges of adjusting to a post-baby body, it highlights the importance of embracing motherhood with laughter and confidence.