Remember those days when you were little, wishing you could be older? (I’m short and sometimes wish I were at least 5-foot-3, but I mean small as in age.) In fifth grade, I fell head over heels and longed to be old enough to date. In middle school, all I could think about was high school, and then once I was a freshman, I was eager to be a senior. I wished for a cell phone, my driver’s license, and the freedom to make mistakes (which I certainly did). Did my wishing ever stop? Nope!
By senior year, I was craving the college experience, longing for independence and dreams of making it big in the horse racing world. So, I packed my bags for Kentucky right after graduation, enrolled in classes, decorated my dorm, and got a job at Churchill Downs. Did my desires cease? Not a chance. I met someone special, quickly envisioned marriage, and just a few years later, I was wishing for a baby. Well, God blessed me with a son, and that’s when I found myself wanting to hit the imaginary “EMERGENCY STOP” button on life. Does such a thing exist? It should!
At not quite 4 years old, my son often declares, “When I grow big and strong…” It’s the common motivational phrase we all know and love:
- You need to eat your dinner so you can be big and strong.
- Play outside! Jump and run—it’ll help you become big and strong.
- Get plenty of sleep and drink more water. Someday, you’ll be big and strong!
Enter a child who dreams of a time when he will no longer be small. But is this mantra to blame? Not entirely—his dad is a towering 6-foot-4 and quite the strong guy. Naturally, our son wants to emulate him. He watches his dad mow the lawn (and has been trying to help since he could walk) and build massive playhouses with his own two hands (and a lot of nails!). He loves helping me in the kitchen, but feels he’s not “big enough” yet to crack eggs into the batter. His imaginative mind is always churning, yet he doesn’t feel “big enough” to bring his ideas to life. Recently, he gazed up at my husband and said, “Daddy, I can’t wait to be as tall as you!” My husband knelt down, cupped his face, and said, “Buddy, it’s perfectly fine to be little right now. Being small is okay.” Our son, of course, disagreed.
We’ve all been there. I still am. Here I am, nearing 30, wishing I didn’t look my age. I wish I could erase dark circles, the “mom skin,” or the hair that refuses to grow beyond a certain length. My entire life, I wished to be older, and now, I find myself fearing aging, wanting to turn back time, and lamenting the end of my 20s.
If I could freeze time, I might just do that. To bottle up and preserve the magic of these fleeting childhood moments. But isn’t that just another wish? Perhaps it’s time to stop wishing and instead focus on being present.
My son, you are already so big and so strong. You are perfect just as you are. Life is wonderful right now. You’re transitioning from toddlerhood to boyhood, and you ARE big and strong, so just be YOU—the baby I longed for and the boy I will cherish forever.
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Summary
The author reflects on the pressure of growing up and the constant desire to be older, which resonates with both adults and children. The piece emphasizes embracing the present and appreciating childhood.