As I lay in the ICU, recovering from a life-threatening ordeal, a nurse from the NICU entered my room with a warm smile. She gently asked, “Have you decided on names for your children?” My triplets were only two days old, and until that moment, they had been referred to as “Baby A,” “Baby B,” and “Baby C.” Born over 17 weeks early, my husband and I had yet to select any names. How could we possibly name our “Baby A,” who had already passed away? This was a challenge we never anticipated facing.
Many parents wait to choose names until they meet their baby, which makes sense—names carry identity and significance. Yet for us, this was different. We hadn’t even discussed potential names, other than joking about needing six—three first and three middle names.
The reality was we were terrified. After a near-loss of our triplets at 18 weeks, we were holding our breath instead of preparing a nursery. We counted down the days until our children would reach a medically viable stage, which unfortunately didn’t occur until they were born at 22 weeks and 6 days. Miraculously, all three were born alive, but our firstborn, Lily, passed away just two hours later, leaving us in a haze of grief. At that moment, naming our children felt trivial.
On the third day, the NICU nurses had started affectionately nicknaming our tiny 1-pound fighters, all beginning with the letter “H.” It clicked then; we could no longer postpone naming our children. Although I had only briefly met my babies during that initial visit to the NICU, I felt it was time. With a tangle of wires and IVs surrounding me, my husband and I began to brainstorm. I pulled out my phone, where I had been jotting down names over the years. Max and Mia were my favorites, and thankfully, my husband was on board. That part was easy—Max and Mia were both alive.
Meanwhile, in the hospital morgue sat our precious angel, still referred to as “Baby A.” Admitting it was difficult, but I hesitated to choose her name. What if we lost more? What if I wasted a name? How could I name a child I had barely seen, whose eyes had been sealed shut? Looking back nearly three years later, I realize I didn’t grasp the significance of naming. We always thought Lily had a lovely sound to it. Trusting our instincts, we named her, and I am grateful we did.
What I didn’t understand then was that it’s not simply about the name; it’s about the person it represents. A name is part of one’s identity, but it’s how a person lives that name that defines their legacy. When we named our children, there was no grand plan; we didn’t choose names based on family tradition or symbolic meanings. They were names we adored. After Lily’s passing, followed by Max two months later, I was uncertain when I would hear their names again. Many people feel uneasy discussing loss, especially the loss of a child, so I didn’t expect to hear them spoken, except by close friends and family.
Reflecting now, I never could have anticipated the journey that would unfold in the following months and years. I hear the names of all three of my children every day—sometimes I’m speaking about them, other times friends or supporters mention them in conversation. But what touches me most is when my surviving triplet, Mia, softly calls out Lily and Max’s names. The fear that my angels would be forgotten has long dissipated. Lily and Max may have spent only a brief time with us, but their legacy is eternal. My beloved daughter, Mia, embodies all three of them—a remarkable girl already making waves around the world.
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Summary:
The emotional journey of naming premature babies can be fraught with challenges, especially when faced with loss. Parents may hesitate to choose names for fear of loss, but ultimately, the significance lies in the identity and legacy of the person behind the name. As time passes, the memories and names of those lost can continue to resonate through surviving siblings, creating a lasting impact.