When my partner and I decided to start a family, we found ourselves in a new state, far from friends and family. Initially, it was challenging, but things became even tougher as we added more children to the mix. Pregnancy became increasingly demanding with multiple little ones at home, leaving me yearning for just an hour of peace—perhaps a friend could take the kids to the park while I enjoyed some solitude. There were days I felt overwhelmed, teetering on the edge of exhaustion, yet somehow, I managed to keep afloat. Over the years, I’ve learned to adapt to our situation; after all, this is the only parenting style I’ve known.
Navigating parenthood without a physical support system often comes down to perspective. It’s all about how you choose to view your circumstances: is your glass half-full, half-empty, or shattered on the floor? Parenting without immediate help can embody all three states—sometimes, it’s encouraging, occasionally disheartening, and often, just plain realistic.
The Glass is Half-Full Most of the Time
One notable advantage of not having family nearby is the freedom from interference. For those who might come from a large, opinionated family, this can feel liberating. We get to raise our children according to our own values without the pressure of judgment. Even when relatives do visit, we know it’s temporary, allowing us to hold our ground until they leave.
Being without a support network means my partner and I have had to lean on each other more than ever. We’ve had to communicate and cooperate as a team, even during challenging times. We often shift our roles to ensure that we’re both managing well.
Without nearby family, we face fewer obligations. Some weekends we simply want to relax at home, and that’s perfectly fine. No guilt about skipping a birthday party, especially when a 1,500-mile drive is involved. The chances of someone “popping over” from another state are slim, giving us the space to enjoy our own little family traditions.
The Glass is Half-Empty Sometimes
However, there are days when that glass feels decidedly half-empty. Finding time for myself has proven to be quite a challenge. With no one available to watch the kids, even a simple trip to the library or a date night requires meticulous planning. My solitary moments often come after the kids are in bed, from 9 p.m. to midnight. I cherish those fleeting moments, even if they only last for 15 minutes.
It can also be disheartening to realize that there’s no one to turn to during the toughest moments. When I’m overwhelmed and on the brink of tears, it can feel isolating knowing that there’s no one just around the corner to swoop in and help. A good cry and a deep breath are sometimes all that we can manage.
I can’t just drop the kids off at Grandma’s, especially when she lives far away. It can get lonely without that extra support, particularly during special occasions like birthdays, holidays, or school events.
The Glass is Shattered on the Floor
Let’s be honest: we all have days when it feels like the glass is shattered. Those moments when all the kids are sick at once make me want to escape, only to find that my suitcase is being used as a vomit receptacle. It’s during these times that I yearn for some assistance, just to catch my breath once everyone is well again.
Adjusting to new babies is always a challenge, and even the most supportive friend can’t create a routine for you. They can’t help you bond with your newborn, but they could certainly lend a hand with feedings to give you a moment of rest.
The feeling of overwhelm creeps in at times, that soul-crushing sense of helplessness. On those days, even a simple visit over coffee would mean the world.
And then there’s the dreaded cancellation of the babysitter, especially when you’ve been counting down the days to your first night out in months. Without family nearby, having to reschedule can feel like a major setback.
It’s been almost six years since we embarked on this parenting journey, and there are still times I wish I could just call up my mother-in-law for some help. Yet, despite the challenges, I also recognize the incredible strength I’ve developed from handling it all on my own. This is my reality, and I’ve adapted to it because I had to.
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In summary, while parenting without support can be a rollercoaster of highs and lows, it also teaches resilience and the importance of adaptability.