Having two tweens in my home has brought back a whirlwind of emotions reminiscent of my dating days—insecurities, intense interactions, and constant worries about the trajectory of our relationship. The questions are strikingly similar too: What did I do wrong? What did they do wrong? Why am I feeling this way? And, of course, the ultimate question: Will our bond endure?
In dating, if things take a turn for the worse, you can simply end it and move on. With tweens, however, that’s not an option. Trust me, I’ve tried! They always return, usually covered in dirt and on the hunt for a snack. Here are eleven ways living with a tween mirrors the dating experience:
- No matter how well things seem to be going, there’s always that nagging worry that they might “not be that into you.”
- You misinterpret their signals: They say “I need some space,” so, naturally, you whip up their favorite cookies.
- You find yourself lying awake at night, wondering: Why aren’t they talking to me? Did I say something wrong?
- You start getting to know their friends just to stay in the loop about what they’re up to.
- You begin to pay attention to those relationship articles popping up in your social media feed: “Are you living with a narcissist?” “How to tell if they like you,” and “10 ways to grab his attention when he seems oblivious.”
- You’re always taking them out and buying them things, questioning if they’re just using you for your generosity. You start to feel like a sugar mama.
- You feel a pang of hurt when they choose to hang out with their friends instead of you, but you try to play it cool (and sometimes fail).
- When things get tough, you can’t shake the feeling that they’re silently trying to say, “It’s not you; it’s me.” Only, with tweens, it’s more like, “No really, it’s me… always about me.”
- You find yourself checking your phone repeatedly, hoping for a message, creating wild scenarios in your head as to why they haven’t reached out yet.
- You look back at old photos, reminiscing about the good times you shared.
- When things aren’t going smoothly, friends reassure you with comments like, “Don’t worry, it’s just a phase. They’ll come around,” and “They love you; they just don’t know how to express it yet.”
Despite the moments of doubt, tweens have a unique way of reminding you that they’re still committed to the relationship. They leave behind little tokens—like a hoodie or a homework assignment—as a reminder that they still want you in their life. Just a glance at the messy room with dirty clothes, cups stacked by the sink, and the homework piece left on the counter makes it clear: they still need you and love you.
So, dinner this Saturday night with a wallet-lightening shopping spree and an overpriced movie? I thought you’d never ask!
For more insights, check out this other blog post for additional parenting tips. And if you’re considering starting a family, visit Make a Mom for expert advice on home insemination kits. Also, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, navigating life with a tween often feels strikingly similar to dating, filled with emotional highs and lows, moments of doubt, and unmistakable reminders of love and attachment.