Updated: April 24, 2023
Originally Published: April 24, 2023
Image Credit: Nicole K Cioe / iStock
I can’t say I was completely caught off guard. The signs have been there for months, but I held onto the hope that it was just a phase. I thought maybe he’d come around or at least be a little less rude about it. On the surface, I act tough, but inside, I’m pretty fragile. I have feelings just like everyone else, even if I don’t always show them. Right now, I’m feeling a bit betrayed and more than a little bitter. I know this is just part of parenting, yet it stings. I like to think there are still folks out there who enjoy my company. I can actually be a fun person when the mood strikes!
But alas, my little guy seems to be completely over me. He’s constantly asking to go play with Alex next door. “Can I go to Alex’s house? Can Alex come here? Can you call Alex’s mom for a playdate?” It’s a never-ending cycle of requests.
I get it, Alex probably looks more exciting to him. For one thing, I don’t play with toy cars, while Alex does. Honestly, my ability to engage in imaginative play vanished after I turned ten. No matter how hard I try to tap into that part of my brain, it just doesn’t work, and sometimes it makes things even worse. I’ve tried, I promise!
I know that sweet grandmother at the store would kindly say, “They grow up so fast. Enjoy playing cars now, or one day, you’ll wish you had.” But I beg to differ, kind lady.
I do other fun things with him, though. I read stories, play catch, bake cookies, ride bikes, and whip up creative art projects. I even know how to play hide-and-seek and many classic board games. I can take him out to places like the park, pool, or even Costco.
“Ugh, not Costco again! It’s sooooo boring!” he whines.
He used to love shopping with me. He’d be eager to tag along, and I didn’t have to entertain him or offer bribes. We used to just enjoy each other’s presence. Now it feels like I have to convince him that spending time with me is worthwhile. It’s like I’m in a constant job interview, sitting across the room from him, nervously wringing my hands while I try to sell myself as a good companion, all while secretly grumbling about poor Alex in my mind.
Just last week, I let him bombard me with 60 water balloons. Yes, sixty! After being drenched and freezing, I didn’t even get a pity hug. Instead, he just wanted a real playmate. I even built a custom car wash out of an old cardboard box for him to use with his toy cars. He zoomed his cars through it seven times! It took me an hour to make!
“Can I go to Alex’s house now?”
“Not today, buddy.”
“Then can you have a baby brother for me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because Mommy is at her limit with babies, both emotionally and mentally.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means Mommy’s heart is full.”
Even if I were open to having another baby (which I absolutely am not), that little one would soon be almost five, ready for kindergarten, and likely uninterested in me too. I can’t keep having babies! They’re painful and expensive!
We have just one month left before summer descends with the other two heartless little ones who have moved on without me. One month! The pressure is on. His future plans are filled with playdates with countless Alexes, while mine remains uncertain.
I have feelings too! Who’s going to be my Alex when I want to play with cars?
Kiss my rear, grandma.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, Jamie shares the challenges of parenting as her child seems to favor playdates with friends over spending time with her. She recalls the joyful moments they had together and expresses her feelings of disappointment as she navigates the changing dynamics of their relationship. Despite her efforts to engage in various activities, she struggles with feelings of inadequacy and longs for the days when her child wanted to be around her.