By: Hannah J. Collins
Updated: Dec. 29, 2023
Originally Published: Sep. 18, 2011
We all promised we wouldn’t become “that couple,” the ones who let their intimate lives fade into the background while navigating the whirlwind of parenting diaper-clad toddlers. Oh no, not us! Our relationship would take precedence! We were going to schedule regular date nights and take leisurely evening strolls to reconnect after long days. Weekend getaways? Piece of cake! We would easily leave the kids with anyone willing to help. Surely, having three little ones under five wouldn’t derail our passionate romance. There would be plenty of opportunities for intimacy—after all, babies nap all the time, right? We were so ready for this!
In hindsight, we were living in a fantasy. During those initial years of marriage, when our sex lives were fulfilling and our family was growing, we believed we could maintain that spark. But reality hit hard. Instead of sweet whispers in the dark, our conversations dwindled to mundane phrases like “diapers,” “bottles,” and “please let me sleep.” We transitioned from lovers to roommates faster than you can say “I do.” And those nights we tried to go to bed together? We quickly discovered the phenomenon we dubbed “musical beds,” where our little ones would wander around in the night, seeking out a cozy place to snuggle, often leaving us wondering where we would wake up. Let’s just say, it’s tough to have a meaningful connection with a partner you can’t even find!
The early years of raising kids can drain your mental and physical energy, leaving little room for desire. After a long day of nursing, carrying, and comforting little ones, the last thing on my mind was intimacy. All I craved was solitude—space to breathe, to exist without being touched. I often pondered how couples make it through this stage. I had confidence in our bond; love, respect, and a good dose of humor would help us endure. But what about our sex life? Would it ever resemble what it once was? With four other people in our home, how could we even find the time?
But don’t worry, parents of young children. The saying “it’s like riding a bike” rings true. Sure, the bike might be rusty, and you might wobble a bit, but you will find your way back to being the passionate couple you once were. Those endless evenings spent reading children’s books will eventually transition to playful days and nights filled with romance, once your little ones grow into school-aged kids.
Imagine spontaneous midday rendezvous with the doors wide open or date nights that happen during lunch at home. Yes, make that happen! And when you finally reach the stage where you’re done expanding your family, and pregnancy scares are a thing of the past, sex becomes a whole new ball game. No longer is it about making babies; it’s simply about the two of you enjoying each other’s company.
Patience is key during these early years. Avoid placing unrealistic expectations on each other; it’s okay if weekly date nights are not feasible. They won’t be gone forever, and trust me, your sex life will not only survive but thrive as a result of this experience. Before you know it, you’ll find yourselves with the house to yourselves during those teenage years, while your kids think they’re out having all the fun. Little do they know, their parents are having a blast at home!
So go ahead and enjoy those late nights while the kids are out. After all, this phase won’t last forever, and when it’s just the two of you? Well, let’s just say the fun is about to begin.
For more insights on navigating the waters of parenthood, check out this helpful post. And if you’re considering at-home insemination options, you can find reputable kits at Make A Mom. For additional information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Healthline.
In summary, while the early years of parenting can be challenging for your sex life, with some patience and creativity, you can find your way back to intimacy. Trust that as your children grow, so too will your relationship, allowing for a newfound connection that is more fulfilling than ever.
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