I’ve battled anxiety on and off since I was around eight years old. While I don’t always show it and may seem perfectly fine to those who don’t know me, I’m susceptible to intense anxiety attacks. Even though I recognize my triggers, I can never predict when these episodes will strike.
Take today, for instance. I had a stretch of several weeks without anxiety, which felt wonderful. I went about my daily routines, handled chores, worked, and cared for my kids. But then last night happened. My toddler woke me up repeatedly, I was feeling unwell thanks to my period, Monday came after a long weekend, and my third-grader returned home complaining of a headache.
He picked at his dinner and retreated to bed—a move he rarely makes. Suddenly, my heart began racing. All the stress from the day surged, and irrational thoughts flooded my mind. I convinced myself that my son was seriously ill. Not just a little under the weather but facing something life-threatening, like a rare virus or maybe even a brain tumor.
I know how unreasonable these thoughts are, but when anxiety hits, my mind jumps straight to the worst-case scenario. I could see how illogical my concerns were, yet I couldn’t stop them. My heart raced, my legs felt weak, and my mind spiraled further into worry.
Worrying about my anxiety only compounded the issue. I worried that my son could sense my unease, and the last thing I want is for my children to inherit my anxiety. It breaks my heart to think of them experiencing what I have.
So, I sat with my son, offering him water and trying to comfort him, all while feeling overwhelmed by stress hormones. I wished to be a calming presence for him, but I felt completely powerless.
When anxiety takes hold, it transforms me from the mother I aspire to be into someone who is lost in her thoughts. I should be the adult, yet I feel like a child—vulnerable and without control. In those moments, I can’t help but feel frustrated with myself. I long to return to my usual self, but relief often seems distant. Sometimes, the anxiety fades quickly, while other times it lingers for weeks. Even during periods of calm, I know it lurks, ready to strike again.
I don’t have a magical solution. Medication hasn’t worked for me, but I know it can be a lifeline for many. I find daily exercise and meditation helpful. When I sense an anxiety attack brewing, I sometimes manage to use mindfulness and breathing techniques to ease its grip. However, there are times when the anxiety is too overwhelming, and I succumb to it until it passes.
One strategy I’ve adopted is openly expressing my feelings to my kids. I tell them, “I’m feeling anxious right now. I think I need to sit down for a moment.” Initially, I feared this would be a negative thing to share, thinking I should shield them from my anxiety. But I’ve come to realize that they likely sense my emotions anyway, so it’s better to be honest about why I might not be fully present.
The response from my kids has been heartwarming. They pause their play, come over, and offer kind words or a comforting touch that often helps me feel better. Simply vocalizing my anxiety—getting it out in the open—provides significant relief. Plus, it’s reassuring to know my children can understand and accept my feelings.
I am aware that my anxiety isn’t their burden to carry. I strive to protect them from its effects, taking care of my mental health and seeking help when necessary. Despite my struggles, I believe that I’m a pretty decent mom.
Yet, my anxiety does affect my parenting in ways I wish it wouldn’t. It has overshadowed entire weeks and months of time spent with my children. I hope that my experiences with anxiety will foster greater compassion for the big emotions my kids may face. If either of them develops anxiety in the future, I want to recognize it early and support them in seeking help.
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Summary
Parenting with anxiety can be a challenging experience. The struggle to manage irrational fears and worries while trying to be present for your children can be overwhelming. By openly communicating about anxiety, you may find that your children respond with kindness and understanding. It’s important to take care of your mental health and seek support when needed, all while striving to nurture your children through their own emotional challenges.