Parenting Insights from a New Father
Updated: May 24, 2023
Originally Published: September 12, 2011
- Athletic Skills Are Not My Forte
Becoming a dad has solidified one undeniable truth: I was never meant to be an athlete. Watching my son fumble a nerf ball from a mere foot away drives the point home. While some kids at the park look like mini superstars, most are just adorable little ones who might excel in the fine art of cookie consumption. - Your Phone Is a Kid Magnet
There’s no hiding your phone from a child. My son managed to unlock my iPhone by the time he was ten months old. The phone can definitely be a lifesaver in a pinch, keeping him entertained during meltdowns. But once he knows it’s available for use, he’ll be digging through my pockets like a pro. - Watch Out for the Mom Glares
Not every mom at the park is judgmental, but it sure feels like it sometimes. As the primary caregiver in the afternoons, I’ve found myself frequenting the park, only to receive suspicious looks from other moms. You’d think I was driving a van with “free candy” painted on it. After weeks of seeing me, you’d think they’d ease up, but nope—still herding their kids away like I’m some kind of threat. - Dads Have Low Expectations to Meet
I get it; this goes against the grain of what I typically advocate for dads. But let’s be real, it’s easy to coast when you’re a father. Moms face scrutiny in public spaces, while dads are often celebrated for merely showing up, even if their child is wearing mismatched clothes. We know this and sometimes take advantage of it—don’t judge us too harshly! - I’ve Been a Hypocrite
Prior to fatherhood, I had some strong opinions on parenting methods. I used to scoff at parents traveling with infants or those whose kids had meltdowns in stores. Now, I owe an apology to all the parents I judged between 2000 and 2013. - Ten Minutes Feels Like an Eternity
Ten minutes was once a casual timeframe—now, it’s a lifetime when your child is screaming in the backseat. Those ten minutes turn into an endless cycle of pleading, bribing with snacks, and listening to the same catchy tunes on repeat. It’s wild to reflect on how I used to spend ten minutes showering pre-kid! - Food Secrecy Is Mandatory
Leading by example in healthy eating is important, but let’s be real: if I’m munching on chips, my son is going to demand some. Sometimes, you just need to sneak away with a row of Oreos, hidden behind a newspaper, because self-care is essential, right? - Tiny Shoes Are Dangerous
If the government could harness the pain from a toddler kicking you in the ankle with their tiny shoes, we’d have an unbeatable weapon. Those cute little Star Wars shoes may look harmless, but trust me, they come with a side of unexpected agony. - Delegating Chores is Part of the Plan
Every dad has that moment when he’s mowing the lawn, thinking, “Someday, this will be my kid’s responsibility!” It’s the first of many mental notes on which chores will be passed down to the little ones when they’re old enough—because why should I clean the cat box when my son is closer to the ground? - Too Many Quilts Exist
Before becoming parents, my wife and I didn’t own a single quilt. Now, we have a collection of eight. While I’m grateful for the thoughtfulness of our friends and family, I urge anyone considering a quilt as a baby gift to rethink their choice. On the bright side, we’re prepared for any chilly apocalypse that might come our way!
In summary, becoming a dad has been a wild ride filled with unexpected lessons and hilarious realizations. From the struggles of public perception to the joys of sneaking snacks, fatherhood reshapes your perspective on life in ways you never anticipated. If you’re curious about more parenting insights, check out this great resource on home insemination or explore this reputable site for at-home insemination kits to stay engaged with the journey of parenthood.
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