Dear fellow parents,
When I say, “It’s essential to teach our sons not to commit acts of violence or coercion,” here’s what I mean:
Begin Early
Start while they’re still young and impressionable.
Begin by instilling a sense of respect for their own bodies. We teach them the importance of eating nutritious foods, washing their hands, and changing their underwear daily—even if they have a favorite pair they want to wear repeatedly.
Teach Sharing and Respect
Teach them that snatching toys from other kids is not acceptable. They can’t simply take what they want; they must wait, ask for permission, and be kind to others. Sharing is a vital lesson.
Language Matters
Remind them that the language they use to describe girls has weight. If your son says, “I don’t want to throw like a girl,” respond with, “Why? Are you afraid of throwing too far?” Your everyday language can set the tone; make it clear that sexist remarks have no place in your home.
Understanding Personal Boundaries
Reiterate that their bodies are theirs alone, and they have the right to decide who can touch them and under what circumstances. Drill this into their minds. The person inhabiting the body is the one who decides who gets to touch it. This also applies to how they should treat others. Clearly outline what forms of touch are acceptable within your family.
Creating a Safe Environment
Create an environment where your children feel safe to share their experiences with you. If they ever feel uncomfortable or unsafe around someone, listen seriously. Don’t dismiss their feelings with comments like, “But Uncle Mike is just playful!”
Expanding the Conversation
As they grow, expand the conversation. The principle of respecting personal space remains constant into adulthood, but the language may evolve. You might say, “If she says no, step back.” Or, “If she only wants a kiss, honor that.” Teach them that if someone requests no contact, they must respect that boundary, regardless of the circumstances. Even if they feel wronged, they should never belittle someone to their friends.
Safe Practices
Further deepen the discussion. Introduce them to safe practices like using condoms. Just because they have one, and know how to use it correctly, does not entitle them to demand or expect sex from anyone.
Discussing Harsh Realities
When they’re ready, have conversations about the harsh realities of sexual violence. Explain that it is a despicable act—one that is never acceptable, under any circumstances.
Ongoing Conversations About Consent
Consistently reinforce that girls and women are equals. Make it clear that discussions about consent are not one-time conversations but rather ongoing principles that guide respectful living.
Our Responsibility
It is our responsibility to teach our sons not to harm others. This is how we begin that vital journey.
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In summary, we must take an active role in shaping our sons’ understanding of respect, consent, and equality. By starting early and having open conversations, we can help create a safer future for everyone.
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