I often find myself pondering what truly defines a “good” baby or toddler in the eyes of society. According to many, my daughter was a delightful little one. She rarely cried at night, never experienced colic, beamed with joy early on, and was content playing alone while allowing just about anyone to hold her. In essence, her calm demeanor kept those around her at ease. While I’m grateful for her easygoing nature, I prefer to call it “easy” rather than “good.”
As she transitions into the spirited toddler phase, she is certainly adopting some “bad” behaviors. Or are they really bad?
The prevailing attitude in my community suggests that toddler tantrums in public places, like the grocery store, are “bad.” It seems either the child or the parent must have faltered for such outbursts to occur. But if I glance at my social media feed—especially during heated political seasons—I see adults throwing their own tantrums. While our online rants might seem more rational, are they really that different from a child’s emotional outburst?
Kids might wail because they’re denied a trip to the park, while adults grumble when asked to work on their day off. The difference appears minimal; we’ve just learned to manage our frustrations with slightly more composure (most of the time).
I’ve seen toddlers being scolded for not wanting to embrace someone or for avoiding eye contact with an adult. Seriously? Every time we adults meet someone new, we make quick judgments about their safety and friendliness. Similarly, kids are assessing those around them. While we may not grasp their reasoning for rejecting certain interactions, labeling them as rude is unfair.
Let me clarify: Tantrums, pickiness, and anger aren’t ideal traits. But they are part of being human. Yes, toddlers might be more vocal about their likes and dislikes, but that’s because they lack the social skills we possess. They don’t fully comprehend that their demands can lead to extra work for their exhausted parents. They’re still figuring out how to express emotions, often resorting to tears when feeling overwhelmed.
Of course, I’ll strive to prevent meltdowns and resolve them swiftly. However, I refuse to discipline my daughter for expressing her feelings and desires. When she chooses not to hug someone, that’s her choice to make. If she isn’t interested in eating salad, that’s perfectly fine—I can’t stand licorice, and forcing me to eat it wouldn’t change my mind!
Raising a toddler demands immense effort, and I won’t always nail it. But this isn’t simply a phase of “bad” behavior; it’s a critical time for children to learn about social skills, language, food preferences, consent, and emotions at an astonishing pace.
Yes, they may test our patience and leave us exhausted, but they’re not acting out of malice. They’re navigating the complexities of life. Someday, we might even look back nostalgically at this chaotic yet beautiful stage.
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In summary, toddlers are not “bad”; they are simply learning and growing in a world full of new experiences and emotions. It’s our role as parents to guide them through this challenging yet rewarding journey.