I no longer celebrate Father’s Day with my dad. Not because he has passed away—my biological father is very much alive. But my biological father has transitioned into a woman.
To clarify: the person who contributed the sperm that led to my existence now identifies as a woman. She has undergone surgery, changed her name, and embraces her femininity with makeup and clothing that reflect her true self.
Did that surprise you? I wish it didn’t. I long for a world where everyone is accepted regardless of their personal journeys. A world where transformation and self-expression are met with understanding rather than judgment. Yet I understand that this can be a lot for someone to process if they haven’t been through it themselves. Just as my dad took years to find her true identity, I needed time to fully accept her transition.
I first learned about my father’s gender identity in my mid-twenties. My husband and I visited my parents for the holidays, and early on, my father requested a private conversation. My heart sank. Was there news of illness? “Of course,” I said gently.
A few hours later, we sat down for the talk. He wasted no time. “There’s a woman inside of me. I sometimes cross-dress to let her out.” I was taken aback. This wasn’t the news I anticipated. I sat in stunned silence, mouth agape.
My husband stepped in with reassurance, “Richard, we love you, no matter who you are.” My mind echoed his words, and I sheepishly asked, “Do you have any pictures?” My father laughed, and in that moment, I realized that despite my awkwardness, I was okay with her journey.
Now, she is Josephine, and we are doing well together. Yet, I faced emotional turmoil as I adjusted to this new reality. I quickly accepted Josephine but had to navigate feelings of loss. I sought guidance from a therapist, learning that grief can coexist with acceptance. While mourning the father I once knew—the grandfather to my children—I embraced her transformation and looked forward to a new chapter.
Josephine, ever the engineer, explained her transition by comparing it to computer hardware and software. While the external appearance (hardware) was changing, the internal essence (software) remained the same. This analogy resonates, and I hope it fosters greater understanding of transgender experiences. People should be judged by their character, not their gender identity. Josephine is kind, generous, and loving—a good person.
It’s disheartening to witness how challenging it can be for some adults to accept Josephine’s transition. I find myself avoiding the topic with certain friends, unsure of their ability to understand or accept her. Thankfully, children often process complex emotions more easily than we realize.
For instance, when my daughter was a preschooler and exploring her family tree, she asked, “Mom, who is your father?” I explained, “My father was a man named Richard. He felt like a woman inside, so she changed her outside to match. That’s who Grandma Jo is now.” After thinking for a moment, she said, “How sad. You don’t have a dad. But I love Grandma Jo, and I’m happy to have her.”
Exactly. Even at such a young age, she recognized the blend of sadness and joy in this transformation, embracing her loved ones for who they are.
Josephine has become the person she was always meant to be, and she is truly happy. I celebrate that, even if it’s complicated during holidays. Father’s Day doesn’t feel right, as she doesn’t identify as a father anymore, and Mother’s Day isn’t appropriate either.
What I’ve come to realize is that I don’t need a specific holiday to honor my transgender parent. My love and appreciation for her can be expressed every day, regardless of the labels. After all, she will always be my parent, and that’s worth celebrating year-round.
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Summary:
This article explores the journey of embracing a transgender parent, highlighting the complexities of acceptance and loss. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and love in family dynamics, regardless of gender identity. Ultimately, it celebrates the parent-child bond that transcends traditional labels.