Dear Little One,
From the very beginning, I was the first to sense your presence. It was one June morning when I felt an unusual heaviness, an inkling that something special was happening inside me. As the day unfolded, that strange metallic taste and a gentle tightening in my belly confirmed my intuition—you were on your way.
Later that day, a home pregnancy test solidified my excitement. I was the first to feel that overwhelming joy, the first to worry and protect you. As you grew within me, I experienced a beautiful array of firsts. The first time I heard your heartbeat, felt your tiny hiccups, and then those delightful flutters and kicks that could be seen from the outside.
And then came the monumental moments—the first labor pains, the first push, your first breaths, and your first cries. I was right there for it all. You were intrinsically mine, and every milestone you reached was a shared celebration.
Now that you’ve celebrated your 1st birthday, reflecting on this past year has made me realize that while those firsts will always be cherished memories for me, they are not solely mine. Just as you are not simply mine.
In the early days of your life, I struggled to share you with anyone but your dad. Each time someone else held you, I felt a pang of anxiety. Were they gentle enough? Were they doing it “right”? When you started spending days with Grandma while I returned to work, the fear of being replaced crept in. While I was grateful to witness many of your firsts, I knew some would slip through my fingers. Suddenly, your milestones were not just mine to savor; others were becoming part of your exciting journey.
Learning to share you has been my greatest challenge as a mother. Balancing my protective instincts with the need to let go has been a journey filled with emotional growth. But as I watch you make choices and thrive in the company of those who love you, I see how opening my heart allows you to enjoy a richer life.
I will forever treasure our shared firsts. They are memories that no one can take from me, nor would I want them to. I expect it may always be a challenge to let others in, especially as you reach new milestones like your first day of school or your first time behind the wheel. Each day brings us closer to the time when your experiences will extend beyond me.
Though it will likely be hard for me to accept that you are your own person, I will gladly keep you close for as long as you’ll let me. You will always be my first baby, and your firsts will forever hold a special place in my heart.
If you’re interested in more about home insemination, check out this helpful resource. There’s also great information at Make a Mom for those exploring similar journeys. For further insights into pregnancy and home insemination, consider visiting WebMD.
In summary, this letter is a reflection on the joy and challenges of sharing those precious firsts with my firstborn. Each moment is a treasure, and while it may be tough to let go, the love will always remain.