Not too long ago, I experienced a blissful phase in my marriage where everything felt perfect. My husband and I were in sync, finishing each other’s thoughts, and appearing like the ideal couple that everyone else envied on social media. But just like that, it all came crashing down. We had a colossal argument—an intense showdown reminiscent of reality TV drama, minus the wine-throwing (we don’t waste good drinks!).
The fallout was exhausting. We talked, we shouted (okay, I shouted; he flinched and nearly walked out), and we resolved very little. I was left feeling like a complete failure—tired, angry, and betrayed. Where was my Prince Charming, the one I thought all my friends had? Why was my marriage not as flawless as those I saw on Facebook, where couples gazed into each other’s eyes or embraced on a picturesque beach with dolphins leaping behind them?
That night, I reached out to a friend, unsure of what I was hoping for—probably not much. No one I knew really discussed the ups and downs of marriage, including my own family. Topics like marriage, finances, and personal struggles seemed taboo. Sure, we’d joke about how our spouses drove us crazy or how they never did the dishes, but we rarely delved into the deeper issues. Admitting to marital struggles felt like admitting defeat. This was the mindset I grappled with as I navigated those emotional highs and lows.
As I shared the details of our fight with my friend, she listened intently, asking questions and expressing understanding. I felt guilty for unloading my troubles on her, convinced she saw my marriage as a disaster. But to my surprise, she opened up about her own relationship. It wasn’t perfect either. She talked about the hard work both she and her husband put into keeping their marriage intact, confessing to their rough patches.
“I had no idea,” I said, taken aback. “I thought we were the only ones.”
“No, I think most couples have to put in the effort,” she replied.
This made me ponder why we rarely discuss the realities of marriage, opting instead for jokes or boasting. Many of us openly acknowledge the challenges of parenting, but why not marriage? It was a relief to discover that even the strongest relationships endure struggles, and they often require hard work. I want to change the narrative; I want to acknowledge that marriage is tough. When you merge two lives—complete with finances, a home, children, careers, and aging—things can get heated. We need to confide in one another and drop the pretense, as it only harms our connections.
I grew up dreaming of a fairy tale—a Prince Charming, everlasting love, a romantic wedding, and a guaranteed happy ending. I was captivated by that fantasy, but it wasn’t realistic. I’m finally ready to accept that truth. No one ever warned me that marriage is a laborious journey—full of ups and downs. It’s not for the faint-hearted. There are moments of immense joy and affection, but also times of heartache and frustration.
I wish someone had prepared me for this reality. Yet, truly, there’s no way to fully prepare. You find your prince, marry him, build a life, and soon realize that the wedding dress symbolizes just the beginning of a rollercoaster experience—not a flawless fairy tale. If our parents had shared the realities of parenting and marriage, we might have seen a decline in the population!
I’ve come to understand that marriage encompasses both highs and lows. I will continue to navigate those waves, but I’m no longer afraid to be open about my marriage. It’s a work in progress, just like everything else that matters to me—my writing, my children, and my quest to age gracefully. It’s often not the picture-perfect story you’d see on social media. If you ask me, I’ll be honest because I refuse to pretend anymore. My marriage is hard, yet it’s worth it. And I’m okay with that, just as I’m okay with your marriage—its good, bad, and ugly moments. Should you ever want to chat about marriage or any other tough life challenges, I’m here for you—without any judgment.