My daughter comes to me, clutching her vibrant coloring book. She flips it open to reveal a character with oversized eyes, a cute little nose, and perfectly outlined lips. “Do you like her?” she inquires.
This question has become a frequent one, reflecting her growing awareness of how society associates beauty with approval. While I find this troubling, I often respond with a vague, “She’s fine.” For her, the concept of beauty is new and significant, and she senses my reluctance to engage deeply. “Do you want to be like her?” she presses further.
“Sure,” I respond hesitantly, cautious that dismissing the character might also dismiss her feelings. My uncertain tone, however, seems to convey approval to her. “Well,” she insists, “you just have to wear flowers in your hair like this,” pointing to the illustration, “and grow your hair long.” It’s a tone that suggests one day she might critique my makeup skills.
In my own childhood during the 1980s, my mother wasn’t concerned about my fascination with looks. She indulged my interest in beauty with toys like a Barbie styling head and a Pretty Cut ‘N Grow doll. I remember her speaking with pride about my dreams of being a hairdresser, without a hint of judgment. I can’t help but envy her carefree attitude. She focused on more pressing matters like ensuring we were fed and bathed, rather than worrying about my views on beauty or self-worth.
In many ways, her approach was successful; my childhood dreams didn’t compromise my self-esteem. I went on to earn a Ph.D. and have navigated adulthood just fine without the pressure to conform to beauty standards. Yet, I find myself questioning what’s different today. While the Barbies I adored look much like the ones my daughter enjoys, the environment surrounding girlhood has shifted dramatically.
Today, the dialogue around beauty is omnipresent. With streaming platforms overflowing with gendered content, our girls are bombarded with images of materialistic heroines. When I attempt to divert her attention from shows like Littlest Pet Shop, she simply asks for Life in the Dreamhouse.
I know I can limit screen time, but the seeds have already been planted. My daughter is starting to grasp the idea that societal approval hinges on beauty. Navigating conversations about the connection between beauty and likability is daunting, especially since I inadvertently send mixed messages. I enjoy dressing her in stylish outfits, and I take pleasure in looking good myself. Yet, doesn’t this reinforce objectification? Isn’t my appreciation for beauty merely about being seen, rather than valuing character?
These questions leave me perplexed, especially when I see her engrossed in that coloring book. I want to shield her from the belief that she must meet unattainable beauty standards to be worthy of love and admiration. I worry that adopting such a mindset could lead her to judge herself harshly and extend that judgment to others, fostering unkindness.
In a few weeks, we’ll embark on our first trip to Disney World, where I’ve arranged for her to meet some of her beloved princesses. However, I’ve opted out of the princess makeover at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. While I don’t mind her hugging Ariel, I resist the notion of strangers fawning over her looks. That kind of attention feels conditional, unlike the embrace she’ll receive from Ariel.
I hope my daughter will eventually gravitate towards strong female characters who embody resilience, independence, and creativity. Just recently, I watched her pretend to be Rey, the brave heroine from Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I’d love to capture that moment with Rey at Disney World and display it proudly in her room.
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Summary:
This article explores a mother’s concerns about her daughter’s budding obsession with beauty and likability, highlighting the societal pressures girls face today. While she reflects on her own childhood experiences, she aims to guide her daughter towards valuing character and resilience over superficial standards.