Are you filled with anxiety every time you spot an email from your child’s teacher? Do you find yourself holding your breath until you realize it’s just a reminder about school spirit? Then, you let out a sigh of relief, thinking you’ve made it through another day without any major mishaps.
I completely understand your struggle. We’ve received numerous notes home from my son’s teacher this year, most of which have highlighted behavior issues: staying focused, chatting during class, or trying to be the class clown. Sound familiar?
These notes aren’t surprising; they reflect the challenges we’ve been addressing at home too. Despite having positive communication with the teacher, receiving these messages can feel disheartening. Shouldn’t my child be able to get through just one day without a reprimand? Am I failing as a parent? Why does it seem like everyone else has it all figured out while I’m left feeling lost?
While it’s easy to spiral into negative thoughts, dwelling on these feelings only adds frustration, anxiety, and fear to an already challenging situation. Instead, I remind myself of these four important points:
- My child is a work in progress. The person they are today is not who they will become tomorrow. Growth takes time.
- My child’s mistakes do not define my parenting. It’s natural to feel responsible when your child faces challenges. Yes, I am their first teacher and role model, but their actions are their own. While I can assess how I contribute to their struggles, I must remember that I cannot shoulder the blame for their choices.
- What seems like shortcomings may actually be raw strengths. For instance, our chatty one is social and makes friends easily. His endless conversations with everyone from kids to the elderly show that he’s a people person in the making. His inability to focus in class stems from a vivid imagination and curiosity, which, with guidance, can be directed positively. His big emotions, although overwhelming, mean he is open and authentic with his feelings—something that will serve him well in the future.
- Behavior should be viewed objectively, not personally. I recently spoke with a fellow parent, Sarah, who shared that her son plays soccer nonstop. She mentioned they had taken all the pictures off their walls to avoid accidents from his wild kicks. She laughed as she explained that he kicks tomatoes and onions when he’s frustrated. While I sympathized with her, I couldn’t help but see the humor in how clearly he displays his passion. If I were in her shoes, I might feel overwhelmed too, but stepping back allows us to see the creativity and passion behind the behavior.
In time, the challenges of today will become a distant memory. We will look back with pride at how far our children have come, not just academically but in learning self-discipline and building character. Until then, I’ll approach those emails from the teacher with caution, but not despair. We’ve made progress, and we will continue to grow.
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Summary
Parenting challenging kids can be overwhelming, but it’s essential to remember that they are works in progress and that their struggles do not reflect your parenting. Viewing their behavior objectively and recognizing their raw strengths can help shift your perspective.