As my hairdresser worked on my unruly roots last week, she fondly recalled her time on maternity leave. “My partner took a full month off, and it felt like a vacation for him,” she shared. “He went for daily runs and hung out with friends while my mom cooked for us. He didn’t change a single diaper.”
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard a story like this from another mother. “I was up every night feeding the baby, wishing I could punch my partner for sleeping soundly,” said a friend. “Your partner changes diapers?!” exclaimed another in disbelief.
Since when did the responsibility of caring for a baby fall solely on the mother? Just because we have a little one doesn’t mean our bodies can suddenly thrive on mere hours of sleep. My partner played a role in creating this demanding tiny human, so he better step up to help care for him. Fortunately, he dived right in as soon as the epidural was administered for my emergency C-section and has been there for every moment since. Here are some tips from our journey—how we, a couple who once swore we’d never have kids, found a surprisingly smooth rhythm in caring for our little one without wanting to strangle each other.
1. Divide and Conquer
We didn’t establish a parenting plan before welcoming our baby home. I envisioned a perfect little mini-me peacefully napping in his beautifully decorated crib while my partner and I gazed at him lovingly. Instead, during those sleep-deprived early days, we fell into a routine that resembled a factory assembly line without a single word exchanged. I pumped; he fed. I changed; he cleaned up. I bathed; he warmed the towel. I washed bottles; he rocked and sang. I was exhausted; he got up to feed. He faced the projectile mess; I grabbed the paper towels.
Don’t try to do it all alone. Allow your partner to assist. Sometimes it’s just a matter of asking, “Can you handle this while I take care of that?” This way, you’ll both enjoy more rest, maintain your sanity, and spend quality time with your baby.
2. Taking Time for Yourself is Important
Every evening, I lock myself in the bathroom while my partner cuddles with our little one. This time is for me. I scroll through Pinterest, check social media, and just relax. I genuinely believe that taking even an hour for myself each day has been vital for my sanity during these challenging weeks.
3. Hormones Can Be a Challenge
If you can explain this to your partner before a meltdown occurs—like when you hurl the countless pieces of a baby bottle across the room because they forgot to bring in the laundry—you’ll be ahead of the game. As a first-time mom, I didn’t fully grasp what to expect postpartum, aside from what I had read and heard from friends.
I underestimated how powerful these hormones could be, and my poor partner often found himself caught in the crossfire. After a few emotional outbursts over chores not being done or him not checking on my recovery, I finally apologized and explained that hormones were making me a bit unstable. Now, he understands and lets me have my moments; once they pass, we get back to taking care of our baby. Someone has to stay calm during these times, and the more prepared your partner is, the less surprising your outbursts will be.
4. Show Appreciation
Make it a point to express gratitude. With a newborn, both partners are drained. At least one of us is usually covered in spit-up, and it’s likely that one of us got even less sleep than we wanted the night before. It’s easy to get lost in the chaos of caring for your new addition. Just saying “thank you” serves as a reminder that you’re both on the same team with the same goal.
5. No Assigned Roles
We don’t assign specific tasks when it comes to caring for our baby. This may not work for everyone, but we just tackle responsibilities as they come. We both change diapers and handle the ridiculous number of pieces that come with baby bottles. If something needs doing, whoever isn’t busy jumps in. This approach has been crucial to maintaining harmony at home and prevents either one of us from feeling overwhelmed.
6. Stand Together
We support each other unconditionally. Breastfeeding was tough for me. I persevered for six weeks through various challenges until it became too much. When someone asks why I’m no longer breastfeeding, my partner steps in to talk about how much we love our automatic formula maker and how we can feed the baby and still get back to sleep in just 30 minutes.
When anyone questions his decision to take a month off for paternity leave, I chime in about how wonderful it was for him to bond with our baby. Even when other parents judge our parenting choices, we respond as a united front. If he disagrees with me about something, we discuss it privately. When it comes to outside opinions and advice, we always present a united response to combat any negativity.
I’m not sure where the notion originated that women should bear the entire burden of caring for a newborn. Perhaps we feel guilty that our partners have to work long hours, so we take on all the nighttime duties, even though we wake up at the same time to start our day with the baby. Just because women may have a bit of time off after childbirth doesn’t mean our bodies and emotions have endured any less of a challenge.
As mothers, we must prioritize our physical and emotional well-being to be the best parents we can be for our children. If that means sleeping in on weekends while my partner takes care of the baby, I embrace it without guilt. It’s far better than him waking up to a frantic baby while I’m dozing off on the floor between tummy time and playtime.
So, when my partner comes home after a long day and mutters about how tough it was, I happily hand him our son, who greets him with a big smile. We both played a role in creating this incredible little human, and we share the responsibility of meeting his needs—and supporting each other.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this blog post.
Summary:
This article discusses the shared responsibilities of parenting, emphasizing the importance of teamwork between partners. It offers practical tips for dividing tasks, taking personal breaks, managing hormonal changes, showing appreciation, maintaining a united front, and debunking the myth that all parenting duties fall on mothers. By prioritizing self-care and supporting each other, couples can navigate the challenges of new parenthood together.