Listen up, little one. You’re the youngest in our crew—the baby, forever and always. You’ll always be the one who’s either too young or not quite ready, and honestly, we kind of want to keep you in this adorable phase just a little longer. We’ll happily let you mispronounce words because it’s too cute, and we’ll create silly names for things just to keep the magic alive. We’ll keep the baby toys and sweet adventures coming because we’re not ready to say goodbye to your cherubic years.
But those aren’t the reasons I’m putting off potty training you.
Here’s the deal, my sweet pea: I’ve already paid my dues. Your older siblings, they really put me through the wringer.
- The endless battle to keep underwear on
- The craziness of trying to keep those boys from touching their bits
- The constant drawer checks to figure out if that was a fart, a poop, or something else
- The pee dribbles everywhere
- The stained mattresses we’ve had to deal with
- The never-ending mountain of dirty sheets
- The splatter marks on the bathroom walls
- The urine smell lingering in every restroom because each needed multiple trials except for when the faucet was running
- The hand-washing that felt like a full-time job due to tiny hands and toddler butts
- The mess from cleaning up because, of course, toddlers need help with that, too
- The arguments over how much they could drink before bed
- The midnight wake-ups after a tiny sip turned into a full-blown emergency
- The sheer terror of public restrooms
- The wet car seats that seem to accumulate
- The constant need to be on potty alert, always.
Sure, I’ll help you wipe and take you to the bathroom if you ask, but honestly, I have better things to do than check if you need to tinkle every 10 minutes just to keep the carpet safe from pee disasters. That diaper bag? It’s meant for diapers, and when it’s done, it’s done. No emergency change of clothes because I jumped the gun on getting you out of Pull-Ups. That bag is old and worn, just like me, and it deserves a break in the backseat of the car, where it’ll maybe see action once a week before heading off to the donation bin.
The truth is, I’ve embraced a more laid-back approach to parenting that doesn’t mesh with potty training right now. If you need to go and can’t pull down your pants, just use the diaper, kiddo. At 2 years old, it’s still early for all this porcelain throne business. My to-do list is already overflowing without adding hours to watch you dribble a few drops into the toilet, stop you from using half a roll of toilet paper, fix the roll, and then chase you down for handwashing—only to repeat it all again in 15 minutes and discover a surprise mess behind the stove later.
So I’m washing my hands of this one. You’ll figure it out before kindergarten, I’m sure. And if not, well, maybe your dad will take over the potty training duties.
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In summary, while I’m postponing potty training for my youngest, I’m embracing this stage of life, knowing that there’s plenty of time for that next milestone.