We all have that one friend who seems to require a constant stream of excuses. You know the type: “He’s not usually like this,” or “He’s great once you get to know him,” or even “He just has a unique sense of humor.” After a while, it becomes clear that despite your friendship, you’re making an awful lot of justifications. Maybe it’s time for that friend to own up to their behavior.
Lately, this is how I feel about my toddler. I won’t sugarcoat it: sometimes, he can be quite a handful. He usually has a cheerful disposition, but the past few months have been particularly challenging.
At first, when we’d go out and he’d start acting up, I’d feel embarrassed and rush to explain his behavior: “He missed his nap,” “He’s teething,” “He’s just hungry,” “He doesn’t like all the bright lights,” or “We shouldn’t have fed him that late.” However, I’ve come to a point where I’m ready to stop making excuses for him. Sure, you can’t really hold a 2-year-old accountable for their actions, but that doesn’t mean I should keep covering for them. After several months of navigating the chaos of the so-called “terrible twos,” I’m ready to say it plainly: sometimes, it’s not me—it’s him.
Just yesterday, I found myself at a bar with some friends. My partner arrived a bit later with our little one in tow and joined us for a drink. My son hadn’t met everyone at the table yet, but he generally warms up quickly. Unfortunately, he’s fully embracing this “terrible” phase, and after a few minutes of hiding behind his mother’s shoulder, he began screaming at anyone who dared to look his way. Instead of giving another half-hearted explanation, I confidently told everyone, “Don’t mind him; he’s in full-on tantrum mode right now. He’s just being a little brat.”
I’m done shielding him from the consequences of his behavior. Now that he’s almost 3, it’s time for him to take some responsibility. Not everything he does is a reflection of his parents. He’s his own person, capable of making his own choices. This is the real world! Right now, he’s opting to be a handful, and I’m letting him face the music.
“Sure, I’m his dad, but he’s an individual. He’s the one who just tossed that menu at you, so feel free to take it out on him, not me.”
This new perspective is surprisingly liberating. Of course, there’s a big difference between not making excuses for his behavior and allowing it to go unchecked, and I’m not suggesting the latter. We still implement discipline and take our share of responsibility for shaping his character, but the terrible twos are a rite of passage that every parent faces, no matter their parenting style. We just need to ride it out, and during this challenging time, I’m not going to let him off the hook.
He’s the one tarnishing his own reputation, and if he keeps this up, he’ll find himself unwelcome at every playdate in town.
For more insights into parenting and child development, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re interested in understanding more about the journey of couples navigating fertility, this post is a great read. Plus, don’t miss our discussion on the importance of taking personal responsibility in parenting.
Summary:
In this candid reflection, Jamie Thompson shares the challenges of parenting a toddler who can be difficult at times. While initially making excuses for his behavior, Jamie has decided it’s time for his son to take responsibility for his actions. Embracing this new perspective allows Jamie to navigate the ups and downs of parenting with a sense of liberation, knowing that every child goes through the terrible twos and must learn from their own choices.