Parenting
Someone once asked me how to teach their children about sex in a way that would ensure they remain “pure” until marriage. This reminds me of a tragic story from 2002, when 14-year-old Emily Johnson was abducted from her home and endured months of abuse. Upon her rescue, Emily spoke about how she had been raised to view sexual activity as a loss of value, comparing herself to a chewed-up piece of gum. She reflected, “I thought, ‘Oh no, I’m that used gum. No one wants that anymore.’” This mindset can lead to feelings of worthlessness, making it even harder for survivors of abuse to cope.
While it’s crucial to acknowledge that incidents like Emily’s are rare, sexual assault is far too common, with statistics showing that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 10 men will experience it in their lifetimes. The emotional scars can be compounded if children are taught to equate their self-worth with their sexual experiences. If they believe that losing their “purity” makes them worthless, they may struggle even more in an already difficult situation.
It’s also important to consider that even if children don’t experience assault, they might make choices about their sexuality that they later regret. You may not want them to explore sexually, and that’s perfectly valid. However, instilling a sense of shame or worthlessness about their choices can lead to long-term emotional issues. The transition from “must remain pure” to “now it’s okay” can be psychologically devastating.
In a related article, Samantha Pugsley shares her story about the impact of a purity pledge, saying, “On my honeymoon, I cried because sex felt dirty and wrong, even though I was married.” This highlights how damaging a rigid concept of purity can be, even for those who wait until marriage.
The best approach to sex education is to provide age-appropriate, accurate information. For instance, toddlers should learn the correct names for body parts and understand that their bodies are theirs alone. As children grow, continue to educate them honestly without resorting to fear-based tactics. Instill in them that sex is a natural part of life, much like driving—it can be fun and fulfilling but should only be approached when they are ready to take on the responsibilities that come with it.
Reinforce that you will always love and support them, regardless of the choices they make. This will create a safe environment for open discussions about sex, relationships, and consent.
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In summary, teaching children about sex should focus on open communication and accurate information rather than fear and shame. This approach helps them navigate their sexuality in a healthy way, building their sense of self-worth and resilience.