This piece may not resonate with everyone, but for some mothers out there, these words might be just what they need to hear. So, here I am, finally writing this.
I have an amazing, beautiful, healthy little boy whom I’m incredibly fortunate to call my son. He is everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more. I strive every day to ensure he feels safe, cherished, and deeply loved.
Yet, I am still the same person I was before becoming his mother.
I expected to undergo a transformation. I thought I would feel profoundly different, but the truth is, I haven’t changed that much. I still enjoy spending time with my husband, going to work, having wine nights with friends, and indulging in lazy mornings.
In those initial hours and days after his birth, I kept waiting. I anticipated an overwhelming wave of love that so many mothers spoke of. But that tsunami never arrived. I didn’t experience the monumental shift I was expecting.
When I doubted myself, well-meaning texts would remind me of my perceived shortcomings. Questions like, “Have you ever felt such love?” or “Isn’t he the most incredible sight?” echoed in my mind. I thought motherhood was supposed to be about feeling an all-consuming love for this tiny being, completing my existence.
But perhaps I just wasn’t that kind of mom.
I already felt complete before my son’s arrival. My husband and I had put a lot of effort into preparing for this new chapter. We worked hard to conceive him, planned a nurturing life for him, and I endured 38 long and tough weeks of pregnancy. When he was finally born, I felt relief, but my world didn’t turn upside down; it merely adjusted.
I continued to wait, hoping for those feelings that would affirm my identity as a mother. They never materialized.
I felt like myself, just with new responsibilities, a little more loose skin, and some added wrinkles. I loved my reality TV shows just as much as before. And I felt embarrassed. Embarrassed that I didn’t experience the emotions that were expected of mothers. Ashamed that my world hadn’t drastically shifted, and worried that I might be falling short in my journey as a mom.
And let’s not even start on the guilt that often accompanies that kind of shame.
Now, 18 months later, with a bit more experience, I can confidently say: I was NOT failing.
Motherhood is a complex blend of emotions—rocky, exhausting, rewarding, and humbling. The transformations within us can be subtle and gradual. I might not feel like a completely different person, but if I look closely, I can see changes. I’ve become more affectionate, more understanding of the choices of other mothers. But at my core, I am still me—and I embrace that.
I appreciate who I am as an individual, friend, partner, and yes, even as a mother. I’m proud to maintain my identity and show my son that I have passions, goals, and achievements beyond being his mom. I refuse to let others’ expectations dictate how I feel about myself. For him and for me, I will navigate this journey as authentically as possible.
If you’re interested in more perspectives on this topic, check out this insightful piece on home insemination. For those looking to learn more about the process of becoming a mother, this resource on pregnancy is excellent. And if you’re considering home insemination, Cryobaby offers invaluable insights and products.
Summary
The journey of motherhood is unique for everyone. While some mothers may experience a dramatic transformation upon giving birth, others may not feel that immediate surge of love. It’s important to recognize that maintaining one’s identity and interests is entirely valid. Embracing oneself while navigating motherhood can lead to a fulfilling experience, regardless of societal expectations.