When you have a little one who struggles with the fine art of falling asleep and staying asleep, well-meaning friends and family are quick to offer unsolicited advice. If only they’d volunteer to babysit instead, especially during those challenging early morning hours! You might find yourself trying every tip they throw your way. As the sleepless nights drag on, it’s easy to feel like shouting some whimsical rhymes in frustration, like, “No! He won’t sleep in a box, he won’t sleep with a fox, he won’t sleep in a house, he won’t sleep with a mouse – he just won’t sleep at all!”
At this point, there’s no need for more advice. You’ve already read every article and book on the topic. Instead, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things that definitely won’t help your baby sleep through the night—because truthfully, I’m too weary to finish it.
- Swaddling
- Not swaddling
- Pacifiers
- Rocking to sleep
- Not rocking to sleep
- Dream feeds
- Skipping the dream feed
- Drowsy but awake—also known as, “I’m drowsy, but if you even think of putting me down while I’m awake, I will unleash a wail that could wake the neighbors.”
- A calming bath
- A not-so-calming bath where an older sibling unintentionally drenches the baby
- Room sharing
- Bed sharing
- Cry it out
- Crying it out post-bed sharing failure
- Lavender room spray
- Accidentally spilling lavender essential oil, leaving your home smelling like a French bordello for days
- Singing lullabies before bed
- Acceptable levels of background noise
- White noise
- Perfect silence
- Neighbors slamming car doors
- Nursing to sleep
- Not nursing to sleep
- Crying it out again
- Any book or website ever penned on the subject
- Homeopathic teething tablets
- Letting baby nap on demand
- Sticking to a strict routine with two naps a day
- Skipping naps
- Car naps
- Stroller naps
- Crib naps
- Holding baby until your arm feels like it’s going to fall off
- A robust bedtime routine
- Going to bed on time
- Going to bed early
- Going to bed late
- Waking up early
- Sleeping in late (yeah, right—that never happens)
- Fairy sleep dust made from ground unicorn horns bought in bulk from the local health co-op
- Cotton pajamas
- Fleece pajamas
- Sleep sacks
- Warm blankets
- Light blankets
- No blankets
- A new crib mattress
- Mercury being in retrograde
- Rushing into the room at the first whimper
- Waiting 5 to 10 minutes to see if the baby will settle
- Night-weaning
- Crying it out a third time
- Not returning the pacifier after it’s been thrown across the room
- Returning the pacifier an hour later
- Bargaining with the universe
- Attempting to reason with an infant through logic
- Offering straight cash to the baby
If you manage to focus your sleep-deprived eyes long enough to read any article on getting babies (or toddlers—let’s be honest) to sleep through the night, one common theme emerges: time. In each success story, the baby grows older and eventually sleeps through the night. Yours will too, and you’ll find yourself welcomed into a secret society of mothers who can confidently say, “Enjoy it! It all goes by so fast!” to other sleep-deprived moms in the grocery store. But until then, keep pushing through. Your little one will sleep eventually. A mom can dream, right? Well, more like daydream.
For more insights, check out our other blog post on home insemination, which also includes valuable information about pregnancy from Healthline.