I first recognized my unconventional approach to motherhood before I officially became a mother. While pregnant, experiencing a sizable belly, relentless nausea, and a rib injury, I wandered through the baby section of a large retail store. I found myself surrounded by an overwhelming array of bedding, plush toys, and various décor items I had never encountered before.
A fellow expectant mother, dressed in stylish workout gear, casually rubbed her belly and inquired about my nursery theme. “My theme? In life?” I responded, confused. She clarified that she meant the theme for the nursery. Holding a soft green fabric swatch and a set of paint samples, she eagerly shared her plans for a zoo animal-themed room, complete with adorable creatures in a train border around the walls. Meanwhile, I felt completely adrift, pondering the concept of a nursery like the one in “Peter Pan.”
As she shared her organized plans, I realized I had no such ambitions. “I guess I’ll probably just get a crib and a changing table,” I awkwardly replied. The pressure to conform to these themed expectations felt overwhelming, and I often found myself joking about my lack of enthusiasm for nursery décor. I contemplated telling people my theme was “Ryan Gosling” to deflect their inquiries.
The expectations grew as my pregnancy progressed. I felt disdain at the thought of a baby shower or a gender reveal party—celebrating a baby’s genitalia seemed bizarre to me. Ultimately, I organized a “Pre-Baby Barbecue,” inviting both men and women and ensuring the event revolved around fun rather than games or traditional baby shower antics.
Some family members, particularly my mother, were disappointed by my unconventional approach to the pregnancy celebrations. “Why aren’t you having a proper shower?” she would ask, as if I was somehow failing to live up to societal norms. My soon-to-arrive child would enter the world without a grand celebration or a themed nursery.
As I settled into motherhood, I recognized that I didn’t fit neatly into any particular group of moms. While I admired the dedication of other mothers, I often felt like an outsider. Where were the other unique moms like me? I had always thrived in eclectic friend groups, and now I was searching for my place among fellow mothers.
I had friends from various stages of my life, each group filled with distinctive personalities. Now, I found myself seeking out “mom friends,” yet I often felt out of sync. I wondered if motherhood had a way of normalizing everyone, transforming them into responsible adults while I remained my quirky self. I didn’t conform to the stereotypical mom image; I still wore my unkempt clothes and embraced my individuality.
One day, while grocery shopping with my six-month-old, a woman commented on my son’s cries, assuming I was a nanny. I often felt the need to conceal my differences, but I refused to change my parenting style to fit into a mold. My child was unique, just like me; he had his own preferences and quirks that made him special.
Shortly after my son’s first birthday, I hosted a small gathering, partly to appease those who insisted on themes and decorations. I ended up feeling out of place amid matching napkins and coordinated décor. It was a stark reminder that I would never be that conventional mom.
Yet, I have come to embrace my individuality as a mother. There are others out there like me—moms who struggle with societal expectations, who might feel like they don’t belong. We can celebrate our uniqueness through unconventional choices, whether it’s tattoos, vibrant hair, or a love for quirky pets.
If you’re a fellow mom embracing your uniqueness, don’t hesitate to revel in it. You’re not alone in feeling different; there are plenty of us who haven’t lost our individuality in the journey of motherhood.
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In summary, motherhood does not have to conform to societal expectations. Embrace your individuality, find your community, and celebrate the quirks that make you who you are.