By: Laura Simmons
Date: Feb. 26, 2023
In the wise words of a famous entertainer, “Parents just don’t get it.” When a trendy young adult transitions into motherhood, the aging process can seem to speed up dramatically, diminishing their youthful vibe at a fundamental level. No amount of styling products, trendy clothing, or references to popular music can halt the inevitable approach of middle age. If this resonates with you, you may be experiencing what is commonly referred to as the condition known as OLD (Overwhelmed by Life’s Demands).
The initial phase of OLD is often marked by a blend of shock and denial. Who truly wants to confront the reality that they are edging closer to middle age? However, when you start noticing silver strands on your head (or, even worse, on your carpet), and they appear in clusters rather than just the occasional solitary hair, it becomes clear that OLD has arrived.
But the signs don’t end there; here are some common indicators to watch for:
- You’ve developed a noticeable belly.
- Your go-to attire consists of T-shirts and yoga pants, the modern equivalent of a tracksuit, which you wear almost daily.
- Dinner is now served at 4:30 or 5 p.m. due to your “little ones.”
- You find yourself awake before dawn.
- Aches and pains seem to become a part of your daily routine.
- Your breasts appear to be on a slow descent towards your waistline.
- Your ears seem slightly larger, and your gums are receding enough to make you chuckle at the phrase “long in the tooth.”
- Dairy has suddenly become your worst enemy.
- You’ve developed “the elevens,” those two persistent lines between your brows that create a permanent frown.
- A single glass of wine puts you to sleep by 8 p.m. on the couch.
The second phase of OLD is when the full extent of the condition takes hold, leading to a whirlwind of internal struggles and existential dilemmas. You begin to ponder profound questions such as whether to take up knitting or Zumba. You may also find yourself questioning when it’s no longer considered cute to experience minor incontinence when sneezing or laughing. The thought, “Will I need adult diapers?” can be quite alarming.
In this stage, your thoughts may include:
- A fleeting consideration of becoming a “cougar.”
- Realizing that most enthusiastic readers of Fifty Shades of Grey are women your age, prompting you to contemplate donating your copy to hide the evidence.
- Panic sets in as you navigate the Bermuda Triangle of female reproductive issues—wondering if your period is coming, if you’re experiencing premenopausal symptoms, or even if you might be pregnant.
- You still find Johnny Depp attractive until you realize he is aging and may soon be eligible for AARP.
- You start to feel uncomfortable with the amount of skin displayed by young artists in their viral videos.
- The terminology used by younger generations, such as “fleek” and “bae,” leaves you baffled.
- Naps begin to sound increasingly appealing.
- You ponder whether to embrace a midlife crisis, leading to a decision to take a French cooking class. Just kidding—you switch gears and opt for kickboxing instead.
- You wonder if intimacy might improve in middle age, only to find your partner backing away slowly.
Fortunately, there are preventive measures you can take to avoid these alarming signs of aging. Steering clear of Classic Rock radio stations that play bands like Nirvana and U2, along with avoiding an unhealthy dependency on Spanx, elastic-waist pants, and overly stretchy jeans, can help maintain your youthful appearance.
For more information on maintaining your health and vitality during this time of life, consider exploring various resources on fertility and reproductive health. One excellent resource is Healthline, which provides valuable insights into pregnancy and home insemination options. Additionally, you might find Make a Mom helpful as they specialize in fertility boosters for men. For further reading on this topic, check out this blog post for comprehensive insights.
In summary, while parenthood can bring joy, it may also usher in the unsettling experience of getting older. Recognizing the signs early can help you navigate this transition with a sense of humor and resilience.