I’m finished. Completely, unequivocally, finished.
I’ve decided to stop getting up from the table shortly after I’ve sat down to eat. I will no longer fold my children’s clothes. They are perfectly capable of doing this themselves, and if they choose to haphazardly toss them into their drawers, that’s their choice—I’ve reached the point where I simply don’t care anymore.
I refuse to continue searching for lost items. My 5-year-old can’t locate her stuffed unicorn or her favorite pink pen, and my 9-year-old can’t find his tablet or his beloved book. Even my partner can’t find his sunglasses, keys, or wallet. Guess who knows where all of those items are? Me. And guess who won’t be revealing their locations? That’s right—me.
I quit preparing snacks around the clock. Three meals a day for my insatiable little ones is all they will receive. They are more than capable of assembling their own cheese and crackers.
I’m done with being awakened in the middle of the night for trivial reasons. If a child has a nightmare, they can join us in bed. However, if someone screams at 3 a.m. because they need help fixing their covers, I might just lose my mind.
I’ve stopped over-scheduling my children. From now on, one activity per child will suffice. I need a few peaceful evenings each week without the need to rush somewhere. Just one or two outings per week is more than enough.
I also quit repeating myself. If there’s one cookie left and I ask my child if they want it, and the response is a distracted “Huh?”, then I’m eating the cookie. Sorry, kid, but I’ll enjoy that last cookie. Maybe next time you’ll pay attention.
I refuse to stress over the chaos in my home. I recently took on extra freelance work. Instead of funneling that money into my children’s college fund, I decided to hire a housekeeper. I value a clean home, but I don’t have the time to manage it anymore, and I’m tired of the anxiety that comes with it. So, I quit!
I’m no longer putting everyone else’s needs before my own. If I want to exercise instead of making dinner, so be it. Kids, find some leftovers or ask your other parent to cook—he knows how. I’ve even scheduled appointments with a dermatologist and a therapist, which I had been postponing for years out of guilt over spending time and money on myself.
I quit feeling guilty about treating myself. For over a decade, I’ve had a habit of removing items from my cart before checking out. Not anymore. Recently, I bought myself some high-quality makeup that conceals my age spots and fine lines, and I don’t regret it at all.
I’ve stopped clenching my teeth while my children invade my personal space. I deserve to have my own physical boundaries respected. No more jungle-gym mommy—no more elbowing or head-butting. Hugs are still on the table, of course.
I’ve reached these conclusions because I now recognize that playing the martyr has only led to negative outcomes. Instead of enriching my family’s lives, I suppressed my own needs to the point where I became a shadow of my true self. The version they received was stressed, irritable, and short-tempered. No more of that. Moving forward, everyone—including myself—will benefit from the calm, happy, and fulfilled person I strive to be.
This article originally appeared on Feb. 23, 2016. For more insights, check out this blog post that discusses related topics. Additionally, Make a Mom offers valuable information on the at-home insemination process. For comprehensive resources on fertility and home insemination, visit the CDC’s website.
Summary:
In this piece, I detail my commitment to prioritize self-care and set boundaries in my parenting journey. By stepping back from unnecessary responsibilities and focusing on my own well-being, I aim to improve not only my quality of life but also the atmosphere within my family.