In the car, following my first ultrasound, I remember a poignant moment at a stoplight where Mariah Carey’s version of “I’ll Be There” played on the radio. Tears of joy filled my eyes as I embraced the profound responsibility of being there for my eagerly anticipated child. However, I never anticipated the additional challenges I would face after my daughter was diagnosed with autism.
As I reflect on our journey together, I recognize the mix of uncomfortable and joyous experiences we’ve shared. Recently, I’ve felt a strong desire to foster her independence. My daughter is classified as high-functioning on the autism spectrum, a designation that presents its own set of challenges—she appears neurotypical in some respects, yet requires support in others. Amidst this complexity, I often forget that she is still a child who needs her mother, like most 11-year-olds do.
There are daily tasks she struggles with, including brushing her hair and teeth, tying her shoes, and even washing her long, beautiful hair. Academically, her progress is uncertain, and I find myself questioning the importance of grade-level benchmarks. Frustration creeps in when I hear her call out, “Time to brush my teeth, Mom!”
I often wonder why this elicits such strong feelings from me. Am I being negligent? Why am I so eager for her to grow up? Perhaps I’m grappling with my own fears about her future independence or mourning the life I hope she can achieve.
What’s crucial is that I assist her in becoming more self-sufficient, breaking down tasks into manageable steps, and celebrating her achievements instead of expressing frustration. With the progress she has made through educational and therapeutic support, as well as our guidance, I should feel grateful. She can speak in complete sentences, is potty-trained, reads with great expression, and engages in various hobbies including reading, puzzles, and cheerleading. She enjoys makeup, fashion, and music, and displays typical pre-teen behaviors like bickering with her brother. These signs of maturity offer hope that her future may be bright.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember learning simple tasks like doing laundry in college. Cooking was never my forte until I married someone who enjoys it. I was never athletic, either.
Ultimately, I return to that emotional evening at the stoplight, feeling inspired by a song, and I remember my commitment to my daughter. Just as I vowed to support my husband in our marriage, I pledge to always be there for my daughter.
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Summary
Supporting my daughter on the autism spectrum involves navigating her unique challenges while fostering her independence. Despite my frustrations, I recognize the importance of celebrating her progress and remaining committed to her well-being.