“Uncle Mike thinks we can’t see the new superhero movie, but honestly, it’s not that bad! I’m texting you anyway. So, we can go, right? I mean, it’s a superhero movie!”
With a deep sigh, I planted my feet firmly by the fence. The movie could wait. After my partner navigated through the crowd, I dashed through the trees to see him splash water on himself and dive into the race course.
The heat and humidity that day were stifling, even for a bystander. I found a shaded spot, pulled out my phone, and texted, “I’m 99 percent sure you can see the movie once I’m back. But can we avoid any drama while I’m out? I’d rather not assert my authority and create tension. Does that work for you?”
I mentally prepared for pushback, anticipating an argument I wasn’t up for. To my surprise, as I made my way to an air-conditioned restaurant, she responded quickly, “Sure, that’s fine.” I read it twice to ensure I wasn’t imagining things.
Upon entering the cool refuge of the restaurant, I was struck by how smoothly the situation had unfolded. No accusations, no arguments, no threats or lengthy justifications. Just clear communication and mutual understanding.
This wasn’t the first time I’ve found texting to be an effective parenting tool. When my kids ask for a favor—a last-minute change in plans or a shopping request—a firm “No” via text, perhaps with a brief explanation, lets me avoid the exhausting cycle of arguments that often leads to me losing my cool. The silence that follows allows me to stick to my decision when we meet again, preventing any further discussion.
At its essence, the built-in pause that comes with texting is invaluable for me; it works like a filter. By the time I’m done composing my message, I’ve had the chance to reflect on whether it’s truly what I want to convey. This “parenting timeout” is precious because it gives me that moment to breathe, and texting creates that opportunity every time.
There’s a reason I became a writer. I thrive on having time to ponder what I want to express, to edit and refine. I’m the type of person who will rewrite a social media post multiple times before hitting ‘send’ or choosing to delete it entirely. Quick, off-the-cuff responses are not my strong suit, which is likely why my past includes working as an attorney.
In law school, I envisioned lawyers would have scripts or at least a set of rules to follow. Unfortunately, the reality is that every case is unique, and there’s no handbook to guarantee a perfect response.
Regrettably, neither of my children came with a user manual—no guide to tell me why they’re upset or what they need. In just a few weeks, both will be teenagers, and the absence of guidebooks on navigating their needs is more apparent than ever. I still haven’t discovered the magic button that prevents me from saying things I might later regret.
Except when I’m texting. That’s where the magical pause button exists at my fingertips. While I know it’s not a full-time solution, as they become more independent and spend time away from me, texting could become an even more useful tool.
Maybe when we’re together, I can hold my phone while talking to them, using that texting “pause” to remind me to think before I speak.
In summary, leveraging texting as a parenting technique offers a valuable opportunity to communicate more thoughtfully and effectively with my children. It allows for a moment of reflection that can lead to more peaceful resolutions, even in the heat of the moment. If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this article on home insemination, which also provides relevant information for parents-to-be.
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