It’s time for an important message.
My infant daughter, Lily, has a noticeable capillary hemangioma on her face. This birthmark measures around 5 by 6 centimeters and is often the first thing people notice about her. How do I know? Because it’s typically the first comment I receive.
I strive to remind myself that most people have good intentions. I don’t feel anger towards the occasional stare; it’s natural to notice differences. However, I believe it’s essential to share some insights.
Understanding Capillary Hemangiomas
First, let’s clarify what a capillary hemangioma is: it is essentially a type of birthmark, sometimes affectionately called a “strawberry.” This condition is caused by an overgrowth of blood vessels that usually diminishes over time. In Lily’s case, we have ruled out any other complications, and her hemangioma is considered purely cosmetic. We monitor it to ensure it doesn’t impede her vision, and she takes a daily medication to prevent further growth while it’s still developing. It is expected to resolve itself completely by the time she starts kindergarten.
A Parent’s Perspective
I’ve received a wide array of comments from friends, family, and even strangers. After much reflection, I feel compelled to share some thoughts as a parent. This perspective may resonate with anyone who has a child that people perceive as “looking different.”
Let’s not focus on her hemangioma every time someone sees her. Her father, brother, and I have learned to see beyond it. Lily is Lily, and her hemangioma is simply a part of who she is. It doesn’t require constant discussion or scrutiny. I don’t need your opinion on whether you think it’s better or worse; it’s a part of her appearance, and that’s not going to change anytime soon. And honestly, it doesn’t have to. She is unique and beautiful, and I would prefer to talk about her latest accomplishments, her cheerful smile, or the brilliant color of her eyes.
Moving Beyond Pity
Lily is not in pain or suffering; she just has a distinctive aspect to her appearance. The most common remarks I encounter are, “I’ll pray it goes away,” “I’ll keep her in my prayers,” and “Bless her heart.” I often hear, “When will that go away?” and have even received comments like, “Turn her to her good side,” or, “She’s so pretty otherwise.”
Instead of hoping for her birthmark to vanish, I urge you to pray for her to grow into a confident young girl who embraces herself, regardless of her appearance. Pray that the remarks and opinions from others will cease before she’s old enough to hear them and question what’s wrong with her or why others seem concerned.
I kindly encourage you to look beyond the surface. Imagine if I approached you and loudly asked, “What’s wrong with your child’s ____?” or said, “I’ll pray for your baby’s [insert unique trait] to disappear.” Just take a moment to consider how it feels when people fixate on something superficial about our child.
Let go of the pity. She is a healthy baby girl, and we feel incredibly fortunate. Her birthmark is as inconsequential to her identity as a freckle on her arm. You don’t need to mention it or wish it away.
Lily does not have a “good side” we choose for family photos. I don’t edit her hemangioma out of pictures. Her entire face represents my sweet Lily, and its appearance is irrelevant.
Further Resources
For further information on this topic, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination from Mount Sinai.
Conclusion
In summary, it’s crucial to foster understanding and acceptance regarding differences in appearance. My daughter is not defined by her birthmark; she is a vibrant individual deserving of love and respect.