As I stroll through the grocery store with my 3-year-old, Olivia, and my 1-year-old son, Noah, I fill the cart with essentials while engaging Olivia in conversation about her favorite food—a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She responds with an adorable jumble of sounds: “Yay, Mommy! Yummy! With pink!” (Her way of requesting strawberry jam.)
Olivia has an expressive speech delay, which means she often struggles to articulate her feelings and thoughts. Although she has never directly expressed “I love you, Mommy,” she shows her affection in other ways. She gently places her tiny hands on my face, pulls me in for eye contact, and says, “Hi, my Mommy. Hi,” followed by a warm hug.
While at the grocery store, I overhear a little boy remark, “That girl can’t talk.” My instinct is to rush after him, a total stranger, to defend my daughter. Thankfully, Olivia remains blissfully unaware of his comment.
I wish I could explain to him that Olivia has a vocabulary that is steadily expanding. Since she began speech therapy at age 2, her progress has been remarkable. We’ve also taken her for hearing tests, and while we worry her speech delay could be linked to her umbilical cord being wrapped around her neck at birth, we don’t know for certain. Each time I pick her up from preschool, I hear her classmates chatting with their parents about their day (“I painted! Can we have mac and cheese for lunch?”), and I can’t help but question my choices. Did I stay home too long? Should I have enrolled her in daycare earlier? Did I read to her enough?
If you are a parent navigating the challenges of a child with a speech or developmental delay, you likely relate to these thoughts. There is an incessant need to understand why this is happening and how I could have altered the course. My mother-in-law often reminds me that mothers are often blamed for their children’s challenges. We’ve all felt the weight of the “mommy wars.” If your child misbehaves, it’s your fault. If they are picky eaters, it’s your fault. If they don’t meet developmental milestones, it’s clearly on you.
The reality is, it’s not your fault, and it’s not mine either. I deeply understand Olivia, perhaps more than anyone else. She communicates to the best of her ability and makes a sincere effort to be understood. I want to tell the boy and his mother that since starting preschool with a speech pathologist and teachers who support her IEP goals, Olivia has made significant strides. She is now attempting to string words together into sentences, and she actively engages with her peers.
I want to share that she narrates her playtime, saying, “Here, Mommy,” while patting beside her, “Mommy, Daddy, baby, me.” Those are her dolls. “Docta,” they’re off to the doctor or to “cool” (school). This year, she even managed to go trick-or-treating and proudly exclaimed, “Tick-teat” and “Tank you.” It’s a skill that most toddlers master much earlier. Currently, she’s thrilled about Santa Claus (“Ho. Ho. Ho! Uppy, Mommy”). There are countless words and stories she wants to share with me but can’t—at least not yet.
As the little boy disappears down the aisle, his words linger in my mind alongside my worries. Olivia looks up at me, now quiet and not discussing her “pink yummies.”
“What a silly boy,” I say with a smile, “Of course, you can talk. We were just talking about yummies with green jam.” She giggles, and so does Noah.
“No, Mommy! Pink!”
“Pink jam?”
“Uh, yeah!”
So, remember, it’s not your fault, Mom. One day, you may find yourself wishing for just a moment of peace from all the chatter, realizing how far your child has come. Cherish those unique moments of understanding where you can connect with them in a way that no one else can, and hold those sweet memories of “pink yummies” dear.
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Summary
Navigating the journey of raising a child with a speech delay can be challenging, filled with self-doubt and societal pressures. However, it’s essential to recognize your child’s efforts to communicate and celebrate their progress, no matter how small. Understanding and supporting your child is key, and it’s crucial to remember that you are not alone in this experience.