Parenting Insights on Discussing Sensitive Topics
Updated: July 27, 2016
Originally Published: Jan. 15, 2016
I anticipated this moment, having been forewarned by those who had already navigated these waters. “Someday, he’ll ask,” they said. “She’ll have questions.” The advice was clear: You must prepare your narrative well to avoid being unprepared when your children inquire about the intricacies of human sexuality.
And then, during a drive home from dinner, the moment arrived: My son and I engaged in an unexpectedly profound discussion. While I have mostly recovered from the shock, my friends remain astonished by the guidance I shared with him.
The evening began innocently enough. After a family event, my partner and I decided to treat our children to dinner at one of our favorite spots—where we could enjoy martinis while they indulged in fried foods and dessert. We spent quality time together, chatting with friends and exchanging jokes with our favorite bartender. The scene was idyllic: cozy sweaters, a lively atmosphere, and a family laughing together. Little did I know my son had pressing questions he was determined to ask on the drive home.
Since we had taken two vehicles, my son chose to ride with me. I should have recognized this as a signal—though I was unsure of what was to come. Moments after pulling away from the restaurant, he dropped a bombshell: there was a sexting scandal at his school, and he was troubled.
Let me reiterate: my 12-year-old son was upset about a sexting incident. Twelve. As in, he hasn’t even reached his teenage years yet. Although he was not directly involved (thank goodness), he expressed concern over the repercussions for those affected and the broader implications of such behaviors. He wanted to know what to do if he received inappropriate texts, who he should confide in, and why kids would act in such a manner. He was grappling with heavy topics and wanted to discuss them with me—while I was driving in the dark without my partner to provide support.
I won’t sugarcoat it: I felt caught off guard. The deer we passed on the road seemed far less stunned than I was as I listened to my son’s inquiries. Nevertheless, I made the decision to keep driving, opting for the longest route home. My tween was opening up about sex, and I didn’t want to miss this opportunity. I didn’t know when, or if, I would get another chance like it.
As we transitioned from the sexting topic, he hesitantly asked, “I have one more question.” The tone made me realize I needed to brace myself. “What’s that, buddy?” I replied. “Some of the boys are talking about this thing that involves blowing. And work. Blow work, is it? Something like a job that involves blowing. I don’t know what that means. Can you explain?”
Here I was, driving and being asked a specific question about a sexual act by my 12-year-old. In the fractions of a second that followed, I weighed my options: should I explain? Should I dismiss it and say it’s for adults? Should I pull over and call my partner for help? I honestly had no clue what to do. Gripping the steering wheel and focusing on the road, I made a choice.
I decided to be honest. Just like in sex education, I answered his question straightforwardly. The look on his face shifted to one of shock as he processed the information I provided. Recognizing that these moments with tweens are fleeting, I took it a step further: I explained that a healthy relationship is mutually beneficial—intimacy should never be one-sided. If he finds himself alone with someone else, it should be enjoyable for both parties. I made it clear that if he receives, he should also give. This was critical, as I didn’t want my future daughter-in-law questioning his behavior in the kitchen.
From the reactions of my friends, many of whom expressed horror at my candidness, it seems I may be in the minority when it comes to discussing sex openly with children. Some accused me of advocating for premarital sex, while others believed I crossed a line by detailing a sexual act to my son. Many laughed in disbelief at the thought of me discussing such topics while driving.
Despite the judgment I faced, I stand firm in my approach. I hope I’ve created an environment where my son feels comfortable returning with questions to receive honest answers from both his father and me. In that moment, he chose to trust me with his thoughts, and I felt it was essential to reciprocate with honesty.
Because, ultimately, if you understand it, you must share it.
For additional resources on sexual health and relationships, consider visiting NHS for comprehensive information. If you’re looking for guidance on home insemination, check out Make a Mom for expert advice. For more tips on parenting, refer to this post for further insights.
In summary, navigating difficult conversations about sex with children is crucial for fostering open communication. By addressing their inquiries honestly and supportively, parents can create a safe space for ongoing dialogue.