Recently, a young boy in the back seat of my minivan enthusiastically asked his mother if he could come over to play, stating, “They have an XBox!” This sparked a laugh between the two of us, and although she declined this time, I couldn’t help but feel satisfaction. My strategy is working.
When children visit my home, they have the opportunity to immerse themselves in games like Minecraft or Lego Star Wars in the playroom, often for hours. On nice days, I encourage outdoor play, allowing them to experiment with jumping off the deck in an attempt at parkour or sliding down the playset with sleds. When they request snacks or juice, I always agree. I tend to overlook potty humor, silly jokes, and playful teasing that often includes the word “booger.”
Of course, there are guidelines. My son must remove his glasses during pillow fights with couch cushions, and my 2-year-old daughter is off-limits for any roughhousing. Nerf guns are strictly for inanimate objects, not for anyone or any pets.
As my daughter grows and desires to invite her friends over, I will adapt the play environment. The castle tent will be filled with Barbies, American Girls, or superheroes, depending on their interests. The kinetic sand will always be available, and I’ll happily indulge young girls who want to play with makeup or sing karaoke.
So, why do I allow this level of freedom? It may seem permissive, but I assure you, there are well-thought-out boundaries. While they can enjoy Minecraft, games like Call of Duty are off-limits. Video games are permitted only if they promote collaboration and communication, while watching movies quietly is not an option. Internet access is restricted. Snacks lean towards healthier choices, with the occasional treat like Hershey kisses or microwave popcorn. I aim to create an enjoyable refuge, not a chaotic environment.
You may wonder why I’m eager to have so many kids around. The truth is, these children will grow up. One day, they’ll be teenagers with cars and a thirst for independence. They’ll want to express themselves through music, games, and language. I want them to feel comfortable doing so in a safe environment. By fostering these connections now, I’ll be prepared for their evolving interests.
In the future, I’ll have the latest video game systems, a large TV, a pool table, or even space for musical instruments. While I will introduce them to computers—complete with parental controls—they will understand the guidelines. There will still be rules, but they won’t be overwhelming, and respectful behavior will be paramount.
When it comes to gaming, they can indulge in Madden football but not Grand Theft Auto. They’ll be able to play their favorite songs, and I will engage them in discussions about the lyrics and the artists behind them. As they mature, I’ll allow them to explore movies and the Internet, always with safety in mind. Snacks will be self-served, and they’ll be responsible for cleaning up after themselves. They will have the freedom to use certain explicit language, but not to engage in any form of hate speech. If slurs arise, they’ll receive an impromptu lesson on their impact and why such language is unacceptable in my home.
I will also provide access to contraceptives, ensuring they know where to find them without needing to ask. I want them to be responsible. While I won’t act as a tattletale to their parents, I won’t hide important issues either; they will be aware of when I choose to communicate something significant to their guardians.
Ultimately, my goal is to keep my children, along with theirs, nearby. By offering a balanced blend of freedom and responsibility, I hope to create an environment where they feel safe and accepted. Some parents may prefer to limit their kids’ exposure to an environment with unlimited snacks and casual language, but these are the offerings I present in exchange for their trust in me and my home.
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In summary, the foundation of a nurturing environment for children involves setting clear boundaries while allowing them the freedom to express themselves. This balance not only fosters a sense of safety but also encourages children to feel comfortable returning as they grow.