Updated: August 15, 2017
Originally Published: January 4, 2016
“How is your baby sleeping?”
This is The Question.
I encounter this inquiry constantly, usually right after the obligatory “Hello.” It’s often accompanied by a concerned head tilt, raised eyebrows, and a sympathetic tone that suggests I might need help.
I understand the instinct behind it; after all, who wouldn’t want to check in on a tired mom who resembles a rusty garden shed? I’m not offended by it; rather, I find it inevitable and, at times, overwhelming. What truly irks me, however, isn’t The Question itself, but what follows: the flood of unsolicited advice that comes with it.
“How is he sleeping?” (head tilt, concerned expression)
“Not really well?” I respond, my voice rising slightly as if it were a question instead of a statement.
“That sounds tough.” (nodding in sympathy) “Have you tried…?”
And therein lies the source of my dread. The Question would be manageable if it didn’t lead to a torrent of suggestions that feel more like an ambush than assistance:
“Have you considered using a white noise machine? Have you tried formula? What about letting him cry it out? Have you looked into this program? That book? These methods? Have you tried…?”
It seems that everyone I meet has a piece of advice to share, and while I appreciate their intentions, it can be overwhelming. Suddenly, I’m faced with a myriad of methods I should be employing or avoiding, as if I could unlock the secret to achieving perfect sleep for my baby, just like every other infant.
Recently, a friend of mine, who had just welcomed her first child a week prior, posed The Question. My mind began to wander as I prepared for her barrage of advice, given that she has read countless books on childbirth and parenting. As I anticipated her input, I mumbled my usual response about my baby’s sleep struggles. To my surprise, she simply said, “Oh, that’s pretty normal, right?”
Normal—what a comforting concept.
In that instant, my baby’s sleep issues no longer felt like a problem that needed a solution. It was simply part of the journey; some babies sleep poorly, and that’s perfectly fine.
This realization was liberating. While I acknowledge that there are strategies I could explore—books to read or methods to try—I now approach The Question with a newfound perspective. When the well-meaning advisers ask how my baby is sleeping, I confidently respond with five simple words before changing the subject: “He’s sleeping like a baby.”
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Summary:
The article explores the common question new parents face regarding their baby’s sleep patterns. The author reflects on the overwhelming advice that often accompanies this inquiry and finds relief in recognizing that sleep challenges are normal. Through this realization, the author learns to respond confidently to The Question without feeling pressured to seek solutions.