Our family has chosen not to engage with the Santa Claus narrative. This decision is not a critique of the beloved figure; it simply does not align with our family values. We appreciate Santa-themed movies (those featuring Tim Allen are particularly entertaining) and share with our children the historical context of St. Nicholas. However, we do not partake in the conventional Santa customs: no cookies and milk, no naughty or nice lists, and no gifts attributed to the jolly old man.
I fully respect the countless families who do embrace the Santa tradition. Each family has its own set of customs, and for many in Western culture, Santa is a significant part of their holidays. My concern arises, however, when others inquire about what Santa has gifted my children during Christmas.
Typically, these questions come from strangers in grocery stores or staff at various businesses. While I recognize that these individuals are attempting to engage in friendly conversation, I find it slightly bothersome due to the assumptions embedded in their inquiries. Firstly, it presumes that we celebrate Christmas, and secondly, that we partake in the Santa tradition. Is this due to my appearance as a typical white woman in America? It seems a bit presumptuous.
I understand many people may not consider these factors, as a large portion of Americans celebrate Christmas and many parents do engage with the Santa narrative. Nevertheless, I would never assume that a person I encounter in a store fits neatly into this category.
The primary reason I feel uncomfortable with these Santa-related questions is that they place my children—especially when they are quite young—in a challenging position. These inquiries may seem innocuous, but they carry a depth of expectation and warmth that can lead to discomfort. When my children respond honestly—that we do not follow the Santa tradition—there is often a noticeable pause, and the questioner’s initial smile tends to fade. This creates a sense of disappointment as if my child has disrupted a pleasant interaction by being truthful.
My children tend to be shy, making conversations with strangers particularly challenging. They struggle to navigate the question, “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” without disappointing the person asking. I have witnessed this scenario unfold multiple times, leading to an awkward silence. My children often look to me, silently asking for guidance. I’ve learned to step in and respond for them, keeping the conversation light: “Oh, we actually don’t do Santa,” and then shifting the topic, but I dislike having to speak for them. It creates an uncomfortable situation all around.
All of this could be easily avoided if people refrained from making assumptions about others. I am not suggesting we eliminate conversation starters related to the holiday season. Questions like “Do you have any special plans for the holiday break?” can be inclusive and respectful, regardless of individual beliefs. Even phrasing it as “Christmas break” remains neutral and does not assume anything about the other person. However, the question “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” does not carry that same consideration.
This is a humble appeal. I am aware that discussions surrounding “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays” can be sensitive, and many people feel passionately about the Santa tradition. Please remember that numerous families—even those who celebrate Christmas in other ways—do not participate in the Santa narrative. By making assumptions, you may unintentionally create discomfort for both yourself and the child you are addressing.
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In summary, the holiday season is a time for joy and connection, but it is crucial to be mindful of the diverse traditions families hold. By approaching conversations with sensitivity and openness, we can create a more inclusive environment for everyone.