A common belief among fathers is that co-sleeping spells disaster for their sex lives. “How can intimacy flourish when a child is sandwiched between mom and dad?” they lament, often concluding with a resigned, “It just can’t.”
I’m here to challenge that assumption. In fact, co-sleeping can be a wonderful experience. Dads who think otherwise simply lack imagination and perhaps a bit of romantic spirit.
To clarify, I’m not advocating for attachment parenting or any rigid parenting style. What works and what doesn’t can vary dramatically because children come with their own unique personalities and needs. Each child is a little firebrand, capable of disrupting even the best-laid plans. Moreover, if a mother chooses not to co-sleep, that’s perfectly fine. The baby instinctively seeks her comfort, and she bears the brunt of nightly disruptions.
However, if co-sleeping is a mutual decision, fathers should embrace this new dynamic. Having a baby in the bed is a beautiful gift, as infants are inherently delightful to observe. My own two-year-old daughter has shared our bed since her first days, and I find her sleeping form to be utterly charming. She isn’t demanding my attention or playtime, allowing me to revel in her presence with so little sacrifice on my part. Generally, I find that I sleep undisturbed, as she tends to gravitate toward my wife, leaving me to enjoy the tranquility.
The greatest benefit of co-sleeping is the opportunity it provides for rekindling intimacy. The most unromantic place is often the bed of parents who have settled into the routine of parenting. It becomes a repository for forgotten snacks and remnants of past Netflix binges. Even after freshening up, the bed can carry the scent of domesticity rather than romance.
Yet, many fathers fall into a rut, opting for uninspired routines fueled by exhaustion. Co-sleeping disrupts this cycle and compels fathers to think creatively about intimacy, even when they are tired. Most homes have various settings—showers, laundry rooms, kitchens, and even closets—that can become exciting backdrops for intimacy. Cars and airplanes can also serve as platforms for rekindling passion.
While being inventive demands effort, shouldn’t a fulfilling love life require that? The presence of a co-sleeping baby encourages a father to treat his partner as a thrilling companion, transforming the relationship into something dynamic and exciting. This approach is often more invigorating than conventional sleep training methods.
Of course, this only works if the mother is on board with co-sleeping and finds it beneficial for her own needs, particularly regarding nursing or nighttime wake-ups. If the baby is contentedly asleep in a crib in another room, then parents can return to their usual routines—though perhaps it’s best to avoid snacks in bed.
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Summary:
Co-sleeping doesn’t have to be a detriment to intimacy in a relationship. It can serve as a catalyst for creativity and passion, encouraging couples to explore new avenues for connection. If approached with a positive mindset, co-sleeping can enhance both the joys of parenting and the intimacy between partners.